


Lessons at the Manor

by lodgedinmythoughts



Series: Lessons with Lokane [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - All Human, Alternate Universe - College/University, F/M, winter holidays
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-03
Updated: 2018-07-12
Packaged: 2019-05-01 19:55:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 30,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14527998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lodgedinmythoughts/pseuds/lodgedinmythoughts
Summary: Fall semester is over and Jane is off to the Odinsons' family home for winter break. Knee-deep in uncharted territory, she must deal with her newfound attraction to Loki and, as in life, she finds there's always something to be learned. Sequel to Lessons in Art History.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I bring ye a sequel! I have it partially written, so the first couple of updates should be fairly quick, but I can't make any promises after that. I can't make any definite guesses, but there probably won't be very many chapters, and if I happen to go back and edit certain (significant) parts of previous chapters, I'll also be sure to note that. Hope you enjoy!
> 
> Here's a [link](https://www.businessinsider.com.au/13-million-conneticut-mansion-on-sale-2012-11#welcome-to-this-grand-estate-in-greenwich-conn-1) to the house I had in mind.

Much to her expectation, the manor was nothing short of magnificent. The stony Georgian facade loomed in Jane’s vision as she and Loki drew closer to the mansion, acres of immaculately mowed green on either side of the trees that bordered the house. Closing what she was sure was an open mouth, she gulped as she took in the immaculately trimmed hedges and the winter flowers whose names she didn’t even know. The landscaping only served to highlight the main attraction, of course. While huge, the manor didn’t strike her as ostentatious. Rather, it was elegant, dignified, even understated, if such a thing was possible for a home of that size.

She had looked up the town where his family resided. It was one of the most affluent zip codes in the whole country. In short, Jane was intimidated.

She only started feeling a little more anchored when a cool hand reached over to take hers. She turned to look at Loki, who sat beside her as the family driver made the familiar route. He didn’t smile or offer any comforting words, instead simply applying the tiniest pressure to her hand. It already felt natural for him to take her hand like he’d been doing it for ages.

After their kiss at the party only the night before, he’d walked her to her dorm, watching her reaction as he entwined his fingers with hers. The tame contact had her heart beating wildly. She’d looked down at their hands, so different in size yet somehow molding together with such ease.

When they arrived at her building, he’d crowded her against the graystone brick and took her mouth in his like he’d been reining himself in to make it through their walk. With one of his arms looped around her entire waist and the other against the wall near her head, she felt caged in and she loved every second of it. His intense eyes had blazed into hers as he stared down at her, and in a premonitory flash, she had a strange sense that he would be looking at her like that for a long time to come.

He’d watched raptly as she licked her lips.

“I have to go.” Her speech was perfunctory.

A lazy smile slowly etched its way onto his face as the breath of his faint laughter tickled her. “Yes, I daresay you do. Or there’s no telling what we might get up to out here.”

She almost thought she could feel her pupils expanding at his words, and it had nothing to do with the low lighting from the night sky. With great reluctance, she’d extricated herself from his grip and took the painstaking steps up the building.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Jane.”

She’d turned to look at him a final time and if she hadn’t already known, she definitely knew then that things had changed.

At last, they pulled up to the vast driveway. The house was even more beautiful up close. She barely registered the sounds of doors closing. With sluggish movements, she put a hand on the door handle, eyes still fixed on the impressive house, when the door opened abruptly and Loki’s hand appeared in wait. Hesitantly taking his hand, she stepped out of the car and watched as the driver pulled their luggage from the trunk. She felt like an extra in a movie that took place at a grand estate and while the leads were taking part in a pivotal scene in the foreground, she was floundering in the back trying to seem as if she knew what she was doing. Her milieu this was not.

“No need, Alvin.” Loki picked up Jane’s bags before the driver could get to them.

“It’s ok, I can—” she started.

“I know you can. Allow me.”

Fully aware of Alvin’s eyes on them, she turned red and grabbed her tote bag from him. “At least let me take this.”

Humor dancing in his eyes, Loki led her to the door, Alvin trailing behind with his bags. Glancing around at the scenery, Jane caught Alvin’s eye and offered a quick, polite smile. What did he think about all this? Did he even have an opinion? Had he seen all this before, some poor, unsuspecting girl following Loki into the lion’s den?

They were just coming up the steps and Jane was admiring the stone statues off to the side when the front door opened.

“Loki.” An elegant woman wearing a cream cable-knit turtleneck and her long light brown hair pulled back in a sophisticated half-updo appeared in the doorway, a gentle smile on her face.

“Mother,” he said.

“It’s so good to see you.” Her voice was smooth and kind. She waited until he was near to take his face between her hands and gaze lovingly at him the way only a mother could. Then her attention shifted towards Jane, who followed Loki into the foyer. “And this must be Jane.”

“Hi, Mrs. Odinson, so nice to meet you,” said Jane as she held out a hand.

His mother clasped Jane’s hand with both of hers. “Please, call me Frigga. It’s wonderful to meet you. I’ve heard so many things.”

Jane’s eyes flickered towards Loki. “Really?”

“Yes. Oh, don’t be so shy, Loki. You know I have.”

“Mother…”

“Your bags, sir,” Alvin said as he placed the luggage on the floor.

“Oh, yes, thank you, Alvin,” said Frigga.

Jane peeped out a “thank you” as well, which more than likely went unnoticed by the stoic driver as he shut the front door behind him. She turned to Frigga. “Um, Mrs.—Frigga, thank you so much for allowing me to stay in your home. I know it was sort of last minute.”

“Of course, dear. No one should have to spend the holidays alone. And we’re so glad to have one of Loki’s friends with us.”

At her last remark, Loki bit his lip to hold back a knowing smirk as Jane gulped. _Friends._ “Yeah. Loki’s an interesting friend. To say the least.”

One side of Frigga’s mouth lifted in a smile. “My son certainly is a lot of things. Now, Loki, why don’t you take Jane’s things and show her to her room, help her settle in before coming back down for some tea?”

Loki picked up Jane’s bags as Frigga walked off with a warm smile. “Follow me.”

“Wh—” Jane’s head swiveled around. She spotted his own bags on the floor then, so after retrieving them, she stood upright and found him watching her from the bottom of the staircase. She gestured with her head. “After you.”

With an amused look, he led her up the stairs and onto the second floor landing, Jane all the while gazing down at the foyer and its lush adornments. “It’s like a hotel. A really expensive hotel,” she said as they took a few turns down the hallway.

“You get used to it,” he said over his shoulder.

“Somehow I doubt that,” she muttered.

Eventually they landed in the left wing of the house where he led her into a sizable bedroom, bright and open with the sunlight streaming in through the pulled back curtains. The color scheme of the room reminded her of the ocean breeze with its whites and baby blues.

“Welcome to your room for the next few weeks. Or however long you wish it to be.” They’d agreed that she was free to leave early if she felt so inclined for whatever reason.

“Wow,” she breathed out. Dropping Loki’s bags, she moved to the expansive windows at the opposite end of the room and marveled at the view. Past the vast backside of the property was a lake, shimmering with its wintry glaze. If this place was this beautiful in the winter, she couldn’t imagine how it must have looked the rest of the year.

Loki’s voice rang low and deep from behind her shoulder, his reflection in the window drawing closer. “It’s a sight to behold.”

“I can’t imagine how you don’t come home more often when you have all this waiting for you.”

“Oh, but I have other things waiting for me elsewhere.” She turned to look at him, confusion twisting her features. He breathed out a chuckle and took her hand. “Jane.” Once again, she marveled at the way their hands fit together. He placed a kiss on her knuckles. “We have so much to look forward to.”

Which reminded her of the night before when he’d said they could truly begin. She wanted to ask what he meant by that.

“What’s going on in that brain of yours?”

She paused. “It feels a little wrong, doesn’t it? To have your mother think we’re just friends when we’ve…” He quirked a brow in mild amusement. “Ya know. I feel like I’m taking advantage of her kindness.”

“Jane.” His thumb smoothed over her knuckles. “I fully intend to inform my mother on where the two of us stand.”

She swallowed. “Where is that?” They hadn’t talked about it, not since last night, not on the train ride over. It felt like something unspoken would break if they did.

“I had hoped my actions would speak for themselves.”

“I can be sort of oblivious, remember?”

Loki flicked his tongue out to wet his lips and looked down at their hands. “We’ve plenty of time to figure it out, Jane.”

Plenty of time? Did he really have to sound so sure about it? She was about to offer a retort when he spoke again.

“I’ll let you unpack. Come downstairs when you’re ready.” He dropped her hand and moved to pick up his bags near the doorway, gone from the room before she knew it.

She stood unmoving for a while, unsure of how she’d gotten there. It was all a dream. Loki kissing her hand and looking at her like she was something precious. Her, thoroughly middle-class Jane, at Loki’s gargantuan family home where they had people at their beck and call. This wasn’t her world. Her world was cluttered jail cells disguised as dorm rooms, secondhand clothing that may or may not have come with the stains built in. Her world was Hot Pockets.

As if on autopilot, she moved to unpack her things. When that was done and she had nothing else to occupy her hands, she wiped her palms on her jeans and took another look around the room and its pristine furnishings. Knowing she couldn’t stay up there forever, she eventually mustered up the courage to wander back downstairs, wringing her hands together as she went. She had no idea where she was going.

As she hesitantly meandered through the front of the house, she heard voices coming from her left and turned a corner. In what she guessed was a sitting room, Loki and his mother sat across from one another, the former leaning back in a casual pose with an ankle resting on his knee. Both turned to look at Jane as she entered.

“Jane, come in, dear,” Frigga said, waving her over.

Taking a careful seat next to Loki on the settee, Jane eyed the tea ware on the table. She’d never had anything remotely resembling formal afternoon tea before, if that’s what this was. She didn’t know anyone who had, other than Loki apparently.

“Would you like a cup?” he asked, holding up the pot.

“Uh, yes please.”

“Milk and sugar?”

“Please.” She felt utterly out of place in her plaid button-up and jeans. Thanking Loki when he finished, she stirred the beverage with her small spoon, the metal clinking against the delicate china.

“I hope your room is to your liking,” said Frigga.

“Oh, absolutely,” said Jane. “The view is breathtaking. Your whole house is gorgeous.”

“We’ve got excellent people to help look after it. Feel free to explore the grounds during your stay here.”

“I look forward to it.” She looked to Loki, whose eyes told her he was keenly aware of her discomfort and were oddly kind in their encouragement.

“I apologize for the absence of my husband,” Frigga said. “I’m afraid he had some work-related business to see to, but I made sure he’ll show up tonight for dinner. We want you to feel most welcome, Jane.”

“Oh, thank you.” She’d wondered where he was when they arrived.

“So, how long have you two known each other?”

“A couple of years now,” answered Loki.

“Did you meet in class?”

“Something like that,” he said.

“We actually met after one of his and Thor’s rugby games,” said Jane. “I came by at the tail end of the game and Thor introduced us.”

“Oh, yes, Thor,” Frigga said with a curious look in her eye. “I am aware you and he were once involved.”

Jane wished she could bolt out of the room without anyone noticing. She didn’t know how to say that they were together for such a short period that there was no time or point in meeting his parents. “Uh—yes. Yeah. We’ve remained friends, though. He’s a good guy.” She could see Loki pursing his lips from the side.

“Hm, yes, I suppose it is extremely fortunate that you and he have remained on good terms. Forgive any offense, but the heart can be quite fickle, especially at a young age. Although they do say there’s no better time to get out there than your youth.” Jane could’ve sworn she winked.

“Mother,” Loki said.

“What?” She sipped her tea innocently. “I’m simply saying Jane is an intelligent, attractive young woman.”

“Yes—” He stopped himself before he could go further, glancing sideways at Jane.

Frigga smirked from behind her cup. “Such an apt friendship the two of you seem to share.”

  


* * *

  


After tea, Loki and Jane were free to while away the rest of the afternoon before dinner. He offered her a tour of the house and her wide eyes roved over each room and decoration with something akin to awe. The stately home was unlike anything she’d ever been in and she was sure she’d never be in one like it again. At one point, she reached out to graze a bronze bust of an ancient Roman-looking woman before she drew back. Loki chuckled and said, “You’re allowed to touch, Jane.”

Afterwards, snuggled into their coats, they walked down the back of the property to the lake.

“I can’t believe you have a driver,” Jane said. “I didn’t think real people had drivers.”

Loki looked at her sideways. “Am I not a real person then?”

“This whole…” She turned mid-stride to glance at the back of the manor. “Thing. It’s something out of a movie. I can’t believe this is your life.”

“Do you think differently of me?”

She studied his sharp profile. “No. There is such a thing as reverse snobbery. You can’t really judge someone till you see how they act. Besides, I always knew this was your life. I guess it’s just something else to see it.”

They arrived at the edge of the lake and Jane let out a visible breath. Loki observed her reaction. “I suppose this is something else, too, isn’t it?”

“You have no idea.” Then her eyes narrowed and a mischievous grin lit up her face. “You ever skinny dip in here before?” She was met with the pleasing sound of Loki’s laughter.

“I was not expecting that question from you.”

“Something in the air,” she said dismissively. “So? Have you?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” he said, crossing his arms.

“Inquiring minds would, yes.”

“Perhaps I’ll grace you with the answer another day.”

“That a ‘yes’?”

“Why don’t you tell me?”

She studied his face and scowled. “I hate your poker face.”

“And I might’ve hated yours if you had one.” He was met with a quick swat to the arm.

“Now look what you’ve made me do,” Jane said. “I had to take out my hand and expose it to the cold.” In response, Loki grabbed her hand, encasing it in both of his, and puffed warm breaths onto it before rubbing up and down. She tried to pull her hand away, glancing at the manor in the distance. “Loki.”

“My mother’s perceptive, Jane, but she doesn’t have laser vision.”

She didn’t know how to tell him that she felt a little vulnerable with him out in the open, not just because his mother might see but because she still wasn’t clear on where exactly they stood. She knew she had an attraction to him, an intense one that had probably been simmering beneath the surface for longer than she knew, but this was Loki. She liked his company, his quips and won smiles, his sighs of exasperation when he thought she was being ridiculous. But how much did she really know about him? She didn’t even know what she herself wanted, but she knew she wasn’t going to stand for being a plaything, a tool of entertainment just to satisfy his ego.

“Better?” Loki asked, her hand still enveloped in his.

“Yup.” She tried not to snatch her hand away too quickly. She also tried not to notice the flash of confusion on his face and, if she didn’t know better, what she would’ve thought was hurt.

They stayed by the lake a little longer, skipping rocks and looking out at the tree line, before making the trek back indoors. In the living room, they watched a documentary and in the library, they played a game of chess. Then their attention was drawn to the baby grand piano off to the side.

“Do you play?” Jane asked as she sat on the bench.

“Barely. I never was musically gifted.” Loki stood beside her and rested a hand on the gleaming wood.

“‘He said grudgingly.’ Me neither. Great at listening, horrible at playing.”

She then very nearly said something along the lines of, “What does that mean for our kids?” before she abruptly stopped herself. _What the hell, Jane?_ It would’ve been a joke, but what kind of joke was that? She pressed a finger to the keys in quick, random succession.

“‘Horrible’ is putting it kindly.”

“Shut up.”

He remained standing, watching her fumble with the keys with a patience she was still getting used to. Then she made the mistake of looking up at him. His serious countenance, though nothing new to her, struck a funny feeling right through her chest and it was like she was seeing him for the first time. His eyes were on the keys while hers flew over his angled features, from the shape of his brows to his straight nose, right down to the lips she’d felt on hers, which were currently pressed together in a pensive line. She’d never been so taken by masculine beauty.

Then his eyes flew up to hers, trapping her in place. “Why have you stopped? There’s nowhere else in the world I can find this sort of musical talent.”

She plopped a loose fist onto the keys, the resulting discordant sound ringing throughout the room, and gave a weak chuckle. Was she still breathing? “That’s me.”

Loki furrowed a brow, and she realized her response didn’t make much sense. Then his attention was drawn by the sliver of headlights from an approaching car slicing across the walls. He moved to the window. “My father’s arrived.”

“Should I be scared?”

“Not too much.” He approached as she rose and held out a hand.

“Should I change for dinner?” Was that a thing there?

“Not on account of him.”

“Well, I kinda wanna make a good impression.”

He tugged her along. “It’s up to you. I’ll change if you do.”

Hand in hand, they went upstairs where Loki escorted her back to her room before disappearing. She still hadn’t seen his room and she suspected she wouldn’t for as long as she was there.

Going through her choices, Jane settled on the same emerald green dress she’d worn that one Sunday they went to the art gallery. It was neither too dressy nor too casual. After taming her hair in the mirror, she waited at the top of the bannister where she’d agreed to meet Loki. He soon appeared only slightly changed in a gray dress shirt rolled at the sleeves and tucked into his chinos instead of his previous wool sweater. He made no attempt to hide the way he looked her over.

“Interesting choice yet again.”

“What is it with you and this color?”

“I admit I’m quite partial to this shade. It doesn’t hurt that you look ravishing in it.” Jane averted her eyes in embarrassment. “Come on. Into the lion’s den we go.” He placed a hand on the small of her back as they started down the stairs.

“Funny. That’s how I referred to this place in my head earlier.”

“And is it everything you feared it would be?”

“I dunno, I haven’t decided. There’s still time to go.”

They made it down the large staircase and into the formal dining room, where there was no one to be seen.

“We’re early,” she said.

“They’ll be here soon enough.”

Taking their seats across from each other, they waited in silence. Their eyes met and they communicated wordlessly. She laughed when he pulled a horrendously silly face she’d never seen, one that contorted his features. Then Frigga popped her head into the room.

“I’ll be right there,” she said before popping back out with a graceful movement.

“She insisted on cooking a full meal when she learned you were staying with us,” Loki told Jane.

“Oh, I could’ve at least helped her.”

“A noble gesture, Jane, but I’m not sure your culinary skills are quite up to par.”

She would’ve kicked him in the leg had he not been so out of reach.

Not too long after, Frigga came through the arched entryway, carrying a tray of something strikingly familiar to Jane.

“My dad used to make roast beef all the time,” she said, eyeing the food wistfully. Whatever she’d expected to come out of the kitchen, it hadn’t been that. Something that, to her, was comfort food. Something that reminded her of home. She took in the mouthwatering aroma, on the edge of closing her eyes.

“Well, I hope mine can live halfway up to his,” Frigga said.

“Would you like help bringing everything else out?” Jane asked.

“Oh, no, you stay right there. I’ll be right out.”

Soon all the food was placed on the table. The appetizing meal set out before Jane had her distracted when an authoritative voice rang out.

“Smells delicious, my dear.”

She looked up to find a stately older man with an impressive white beard approaching the table. He displayed the comportment of someone dignified and confident in his stature. The lines of his face and the steadiness of his gait spoke of a life certainly lived. He met Frigga halfway to plant a kiss on her cheek. Then he directed his gaze at Jane.

She fumbled as she stood, nearly knocking the chair back in her haste. “Hello, I’m Jane. Jane Foster. Very nice to meet you.” She intended to hold out a hand before she realized the whole width of the table separated them. She remained standing awkwardly.

“Yes. A pleasure.” The tone of his voice said he fully expected never to see her again.

“You can call him Odin,” Frigga said, giving him a pointed look. “Please, let’s all be seated. Help yourselves.” She gestured to the food and the three of them sat, Loki’s parents at either end of the table.

“Loki,” Odin said by way of greeting.

“Father.”

Jane wasn’t sure where to look.

“How is university?”

“Fine. Exams are over, as you know.”

“I do; otherwise, you would not be here.”

Silence.

“How are your studies coming along? How is…philosophy?”

“Dear,” Frigga said quietly.

“It’s coming along swimmingly,” said Loki. “I find immense joy in delving deeper into the truth of humanity. What motivates people. What they value. What they don’t.”

“Loki,” Frigga said.

“I take great pleasure in forming rational arguments,” he continued. “Debating certain viewpoints.”

“Yes, I’m sure it will lead to a plethora of job opportunities. And you, Jane? What do you currently study?”

She made quick work of swallowing down her food, not having expected to be addressed. “Um, physics.” She dabbed at her mouth with her napkin.

“Impressive.”

“Thank you.”

“What do you plan to do after you graduate?”

“Well, I’d like to pursue my master’s and doctorate in astrophysics.”

“Very ambitious. An admirable quality.”

She was certainly surprised to be complimented by him. “Thank you. Loki and I actually share the same hope in that way.” Her eyes flickered towards Loki, who had his poker face in full gear.

“Ambition is commendable, but duty often comes first.” Odin took a sip of his wine.

Jane didn’t know what to say, so she settled her gaze on her food.

“I hear it’s set to snow some time later this week,” Frigga chimed in. “Perhaps if we’re lucky, we might get a white Christmas. Do you like snow, Jane?”

“I do. As long as it’s not overkill. I do like experiencing the seasons.”

“We get plenty of that here,” she said. “The colors are beautiful when autumn comes around. I think you’ll find the scenery here much to your liking when the snow falls.”

“I trust Thor won’t have too much trouble getting in if that should be the case,” Odin said.

“He has plenty of time to get here. If a minor delay does crop up, it won’t be too much of an issue,” Frigga said.

“When is he set to arrive?” Loki asked.

“Oh, he hasn’t given us an exact date, but he’s assured us he’ll be here before Christmas Eve,” his mother answered.

Jane was equal parts excited and nervous to see Thor. Excited because his buoyant personality could liven up any room or situation and she was wondering what he was up to these days. Nervous because she wasn’t sure how to act around Loki when he showed up. Would he suspect something between the two of them? Would he care or find it uncomfortable? Would it even matter if he did?

The rest of dinner went by without further ado. They stuck to harmless topics such as the food, weather, Jane’s life, though she noticed Loki was abnormally quiet throughout the whole thing. When it was over, she helped bring the dishes to the massive kitchen but was shooed away when she offered to help wash up.

“No, no,” Frigga said, taking the dish off her hands. “Don’t worry about a thing. Go and enjoy yourself.”

And so Jane and Loki found their way back to the library where he sat in front of the chessboard by himself and she curled up on the sofa with a book. The crackling fireplace cast a warm glow across the room.

“You won’t have to worry about enduring another family dinner like tonight. Except maybe at Christmas. We’re all more likely than not to be off on our own, and if anyone does dine together, it’s usually my parents.”

Jane was relieved. “Your mom’s really nice.”

“And my father?” At her silence, he added ruefully, “Welcome to the Odinson family.”

“It’s clear he cares,” she said. “Maybe he just doesn’t know how to express it.”

“And now you don’t have to wonder where I got my warm personality from.”

“That’s not true.” When he turned his full attention to her, she continued, “You’re forgetting there’s another parent you grew up around. You’re not always the ice cold monster you like to think you are, Loki.”

“‘Always’?”

“It’s a compliment; take it or leave it.”

He pondered her words. Then he slowly got up to sit next to her, his arm coming to rest on the sofa behind her. Her thigh tingled where it touched his. “I once said you exude hope. Perhaps there is such a thing as too much of it.” He was leaned in so close she almost couldn’t breathe.

She didn’t have anything to say in return.

He looked at her lips. Then he closed the gap.

It scared her how easily he could make her forget the rest of the world when he kissed her. His nose dug into her cheek as one hand came up to cup her jaw. His kiss was languid, sensual, like they had all the time in the world. But she could feel the desire simmering underneath like it’d been carefully tucked away. Like anything more might’ve scared her off.

She let out a light gasp when Loki wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her onto his lap. Her knees rested on either side as she straddled his hips, her hands coming up to grasp his face and tug at his hair. He caged her in to him all the while—she wouldn’t have been able to escape even if she wanted to. How did he make her feel so alive? How did he kiss her racing thoughts away?

The low fire in the depths of her core was quickly rising. She wriggled in his lap and pressed herself closer, eager to feel his sturdy mass against every inch of her.

Which was why she was surprised when he wrenched his mouth from hers and deposited her back on her side of the sofa.

She sat there, mouth open, eyes blinking. What the hell just happened?

She was about to ask just that when her eyes, unbidden, flew down to the front of his pants. Eyes wide, they flew back up. He watched her, breathing slightly harsh, and stood, subtly readjusting himself.

“It’s getting late,” he said, “and I’m sure you’re tired from the events of today.”

She wasn’t. Not anymore. But she took his outstretched hand anyway and walked with him out of the library. When they made it to her room, she blurted out, “Will I ever see your room?” and immediately cursed herself. Not exactly a timely question, considering what had just occurred moments ago.

Loki chuckled softly. “All in due time. Goodnight, Jane.” With a sickeningly sweet caress of her cheek, he let go of her hand and disappeared down the hall.

She was stuck in her place as she watched him go. Then as if just realizing she couldn’t stand out there forever, she hurried into her room, leaning against the closed door.

_What the hell?_

After getting ready for bed, she settled under the luxurious covers and spied at the moon through the open curtains. She and Loki could go live there, maybe. Carry on this weird thing between them without the prying eyes of the world.

Everywhere he touched her, no matter how innocent, burned at her skin, penetrated through her clothes. Whenever they kissed, his lips spoke of a dark desire to claim, possess, something Jane would allow herself to relish only in the privacy of her thoughts. She remembered the firmness of his thighs beneath hers, the way his unyielding grip locked her to him. The surety of his movements, the headiness of his scent. The taste of his lips.

Unbeknown to her, her hand had found its way under her top and onto the soft skin of her belly. Screwing her eyes shut, she curled her nails against her stomach and fought the torturous urge to drift lower. _You’re in their guest bed, for goodness’ sake._

Letting out a strained exhale, she dragged her hand out from underneath her shirt and proceeded to lie awake for what felt like hours.

It had only been day one.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, after multiple painstaking edits, I feel I can put this up. God, I'm so slow. Seriously, it takes me like a year just to write 500 words. :P Thank you all so, so much for your kind comments. They truly make my day and it brings me great joy to know some people out there in this vast, crazy world are enjoying this. <3

It was overcast the next day. After a nice sleep in, Loki brought Jane on a small walk around the property.

“That’s where Alvin stays.” He pointed to the side extension of the house near the garage, then to two windows way at the other end. “And that’s my bedroom.”

They laid the blanket out on the grass and settled down. “Ah, the enigma,” Jane said as she pulled the food out from the basket.

“It’s not much of a secret, no matter how much you’d like it to be.”

“We’ll see.”

He shook his head in mild weariness and watched as she dipped into her yogurt. “How would you feel about a hike?”

“A hike?” Jane enjoyed nature, sure, but usually by looking at it, not partaking in strenuous activity out in the middle of it. “I haven’t gone hiking in forever.”

“There are trails not too far from here,” he said, popping a grape into his mouth. “They’re not too difficult. You’ll enjoy the view.”

“Ok.” There was an unsure note in her voice. She wasn’t particularly looking forward to embarrassing herself, which she was sure to do. But her spirits were high that day. She was at least glad she’d packed appropriate footwear.

After their early lunch, they went back inside and changed, meeting at the bottom of the stairs. She wore a jacket, jeans and a beanie while Loki wore fitted athletic pants and a half-zip sweater. He breathed out an amused chuckle when he saw her.

“What?” she asked, slightly insulted.

He flicked the tip of her wool hat. “You are utterly adorable.”

She lowered her brows.

Water in hand, they headed back outdoors to the nearby trails, and Jane tried not to gawk at the other houses as they passed. It never ceased to amaze her how different lives could be by simply going to the next town over or two streets down, or even just door to door. Behind every one of them was a different story and experience of the world, and it was fascinating to her how the simple and arbitrary demarcation of property lines seemed to encapsulate the goings on of its inhabitants, almost like tales frozen in time.

Soon reaching the woods, they began their trek in earnest, passing thin, wizened trees and the occasional scurrying furry critter as they went. They crossed wooden footbridges and babbling brooks, their staggered footsteps crunching on the dry earth below.

She wasn’t sure how long they’d been at it. Lagging behind, Jane tried not to pant too loudly as she stepped over protruding tree roots, certain Loki would make fun of her. Her thighs were burning from the sheer number of uphill climbs and she’d shrugged off her jacket to tie around her waist, Loki having done the same with his sweater. When they stopped for rest the second time, more for her benefit than anything else, he informed her they were halfway there.

“Where?”

“You’ll see.”

“This better be worth it,” she muttered as they continued onto the path.

After what felt like ages, they finally arrived at a large clearing where sparse strands of grass sprouted up from the dirt and the tree line stood farther back from the steep incline. Jane gulped down her water as Loki stepped past.

“Pace yourself,” he said and nodded in the other direction. “Look.”

Wiping her mouth, she followed his gaze and stepped closer to the edge. “Whoa.”

They were at the top of a series of vast, rolling hills, and below them looked to be nearly the whole town. For miles ahead, past the clocktower downtown and past the faded red of the brick buildings, Jane could see the sister hills mirroring where they stood.

“It’s remarkable in autumn,” Loki said.

“I bet. Do you come up here a lot?”

“Not for a while. I would come here when I was younger and wanted some relief.”

“Have you ever thrown a frisbee from up here?”

“Why would I do that?”

She shrugged dismissively. “Just a thought. Ok, so this might’ve been worth it.” Keeping her gaze on the town below, she eventually felt pressed to look sideways at him when she felt his stare. “Why do you always do that?”

“Do what?”

“Look at me like that.”

He bit his lip to hold back a smirk and blinked slowly, bringing his eyes up to meet hers, and it was like a punch in the gut. Once again she was struck by just how handsome he was.

“I confess I may have had ulterior motives in bringing you out here.”

“What do you mean?” she asked, automatically suspicious.

His expression told her he looked forward to her reaction. “Exercise does lovely things for your complexion, Jane.”

“What?”

The backs of his fingers brushed against her cheek. “As good as green looks on you…” He pulled back strands of hair behind her ear. “The flush on your skin right now is proving to be even more enticing.”

She might have stopped breathing. What lens was he looking at her through? She felt like a hot mess.

Suddenly thankful for her already red cheeks that disguised any blush threatening to take over from his words, she moved to settle on a short log that afforded a good view of the scenery below. Loki soon joined her and they sat side by side, elbows nearly touching.

“Do you like coming back home?” she asked.

“‘Like’ isn’t quite the word for it,” he answered. “More like ‘tolerate.’”

Jane’s brow dipped. Even with their grand house and all its amenities, his happiness seemed to be based on something else.

“How often do you get back here?”

“Not much. Mainly on holidays.”

“I bet your mom likes it when you come home.”

“I’d wager most mothers do.”

“Does she ever wish she had a girl?”

He let out a noise that sounded peculiarly close to a snort. “I’m sure she has before.”

She leaned slightly away and made a show of looking over him with a scrutinizing eye. “I’m trying to imagine you with a sister. Younger. And your big brother instincts. It’s kinda cute.”

He humored her with a closed-lip smile.

“Oh, but imagine her trying to date. The terror you’d instill in the poor guy.” She laughed and snuggled up to him before she could stop herself, hooking her arm into his and resting her head on his bicep.

“Perhaps it’s for the best I don’t have a sister,” he said.

She let out a soft, contented chuckle, feeling compelled to close her eyes. Even on a mountain she could have fallen asleep then and there, next to him like that. “It doesn’t matter. Maybe you can still unleash that unique terror of yours when you have a daughter.”

Immediately her eyes jerked open and she froze. She came into full awareness then, as one did when a misplaced noise jolted him or her out of that state of being half-asleep. She had to think to take in her breaths, measured and silent like anything louder would have given away her mishap.

Again with the kid talk. What was wrong with her?

Loki didn’t say anything.

“If you have a daughter, I mean. If you want kids.”

_Stop talking, Jane._

Slowly, painfully, she came to the realization that the strange, hollow feeling in her chest was from the thought of a future Loki. Loki with another woman. The father to another woman’s children.

She quickly righted herself and slipped her arm from his, her throat closing in on itself. She didn’t know where to look. Then his voice came softly from beside her.

“Perhaps we should begin the journey back.”

Not trusting her voice, she nodded. She would’ve liked to stay and enjoy the view longer, but her tendency to wear her heart on her sleeve would have made it difficult to pretend she hadn’t just experienced that deeply unsettling sinking feeling in her stomach.

So after wordlessly taking his outstretched hand, she was pulled up and they started the easier trek downhill.

Neither let go of the other’s hand.

  


* * *

  


The next several days were spent in similarly contented leisure. They often spent time together in front of the TV or outdoors, in the library or down in the basement game room, but other times Jane kept to herself in her room, listening to music while lounging around with her laptop or catching up with Darcy. She almost felt like she didn’t even need to venture out into the world; the house was big enough.

It was also big enough that she no longer felt the need to glance around every corner whenever Loki stole a kiss. Odin was seldom seen around the house and Frigga was often busy with her charity work, though the two ran into each other from time to time.

It was two days to Christmas Eve and as predicted, it had snowed. Jane was wolfing down the late breakfast Loki had made them at the kitchen island when he said, “Where are you putting all that?”

“I haven’t played in the snow in ages,” she said after making sure to swallow her food completely.

“You are aware it has snowed on campus multiple times before?”

“Yeah, but I never really took the time to enjoy it. Didn’t have anyone to do it with, I guess.” She paused then, unsure if he was going to make fun of her lack of friends again.

Loki crossed his arms and leaned back against the counter. “Well, eat up. I’m here and I’ll warn you now, I show zero mercy.”

Fifteen minutes later, they were out on the back lawn pelting each other with snowballs. To no one’s surprise, he was much more successful with his throws, and she quickly found out he wasn’t lying when he’d told her he showed no mercy. She yelped as the snow hit her everywhere, though she managed to get a couple of good throws in.

Loki was in the middle of compiling an extra large snowball when she tackled him from behind, sending them both to the ground. They fell onto the soft powder in a heap, Jane making no attempt to conceal her boisterous laughter.

She had just finished wiping the tears from her eyes when she found Loki staring silently up at her. He was flat on his back, one arm curled around her waist while she lay on her side right up against him. She licked her dry lips and he looked down at them.

This time it was she who initiated the kiss. Her hair acted as a curtain as it fanned out around them. She laid a gloved hand on his chest as his came up to cup the back of her head. He nipped at her bottom lip as she drew away. Giving him a smile, she flopped onto her back with a loud plop and stroked her limbs up and down against the snow.

“What are you doing?”

“Making a snow angel.”

After, when she stood admiring her work from above, Loki’s arms flew around her middle, squeezing her against him from behind as his cheek rested near her temple. Puffs of his visible breath floated in the air beside her. She was able to escape only because he allowed it.

“Can’t catch me!”

“I thought I had,” she thought she heard him mutter.

She ran around aimlessly. Her laughter filled the frigid air as she glanced behind to find Loki gaining on her but never reaching out, deliberate in his pace like he was taunting his prey. Somehow she made it all the way to the front of the house, and she was glancing over her shoulder yet again when she heard the crunch of car tires. Laughter dying down, she gradually came to a stop when she spied Alvin in the driver seat of the black sedan pulling up.

The car came to a full stop in the expansive driveway and before Alvin could exit to reach for the outer handle, the back door opened and a hefty boot stepped out onto the salted pavement. Then, as if in slow motion, the hulking figure it was attached to fully emerged and offered Jane a casual smile and wave.

It was none other than—

“Thor,” Loki’s voice came from behind.

  


* * *

  


The trio found themselves in the kitchen, with Loki leaning against the counter with his arms crossed and Thor sitting at the island. Jane stood somewhere in between.

“I admit I was quite surprised when my mother told me you were staying with us,” Thor said to Jane as he dug into his sandwich.

“Yeah, uh, I hope it’s not…you know, it’s not…a problem.” She picked at an imaginary speck on the counter.

“No. We’re glad to have you.” His tone was polite, if not a bit stiff, and she suspected he couldn’t say everything he wanted to say with Loki there. He pointed between the two of them. “So the two of you, you’re…friends now?” It seemed to take a bit of effort to say the word.

Jane exchanged glances with Loki. “Yeah. Funny, right? I pretty much hated him when we first met.”

Loki looked to the ceiling and sighed like he had better things to be doing.

“Yes, I do recall,” said Thor. “Funny how things work out.”

“Not as funny as the way you seem to be constantly in fear of famine,” said Loki. “What is that, your fifth sandwich in the span of ten minutes?”

“Get off my back, brother. I’ve got a fast metabolism.”

Loki gave him a surly look.

“Where’s mother? I presume father’s at the office.”

“She’s got some business to attend to as well. She’ll be back later.”

“How was your flight here?” Jane asked. “Any problems?”

“No, I was lucky enough to land before the snow came down too hard. I stayed with a friend before coming here,” he said.

She nodded, gradually feeling she could loosen up her stiff limbs. “So what exactly have you been up to these days, Thor? I feel like I haven’t talked to you in forever.”

“He’s been gallivanting around the globe,” Loki answered. “With his merry band of wanderers. They go from place to place, striking terror and nuisance into the hearts of everyone unfortunate enough to encounter them.”

“I’m doing some traveling,” Thor said. “I’ve done some sailing, been to sites seldom seen. I’ve met wonderful people, done things I’d never done before. It’s incredible. I once had a twenty-minute discussion with a monk about the pros and cons of creating a virtual reality start-up.”

“No.”

“Yes. And what about you, Jane? What’ve you been up to? Still chasing the stars?”

She chuckled. “That’s one way to put it. They can be incredibly elusive, though. I’m still sludging my way through undergrad.”

“Enjoy it while it lasts,” he said. “Your last semester will go by in a flash.”

“So everyone says.”

“It’s true. Then you’ll be out in the world, left wondering what the hell you’re supposed to do now. Well, maybe not you. You’ve always known what you wanted to do. I’ve always envied that, you know.”

Jane lowered her head bashfully.

“Well, riveting as this conversation is, I’ve got some things that need taking care of.” Loki righted himself from off the counter and gave Jane an indecipherable look. He didn’t say anything else as he stepped past her and out of the kitchen. Both she and Thor watched him go. It didn’t take long for the latter to speak up.

“Very strange how the two of you became friends, I must admit.”

She turned to him with a tight expression, unsure of how to respond. “I know. Who’d’ve thought? But we ended up in the same class last semester and…”

“Have you melted the ice man?”

“Hm?” she said with wide eyes. Was he implying what she thought he was? Did he know?

“I know my brother, Jane. He’s many things, but I see he’s not as impenetrable as he pretends he is. I think it will do him some good to have you as a friend.”

She let out a mental sigh of relief. “Oh.”

A little later, after they caught up a bit more and went their separate ways, Jane climbed the stairs and reached the second floor landing, glancing at the wing opposite from where her room was. She hadn’t been that way yet and she knew Loki’s room was somewhere down there.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she slowly made her way down the hall, turning several corners and passing ornate paintings and vases on the way. She came to a stop when she heard noise coming from a room with the door slightly ajar. She stood next to the frame, unwilling to peek in, and leaned her ear in closer. It had to be Loki. It sounded like he was shifting things around.

After a bout of hesitation, she knocked on the door. Immediately the shuffling stopped. Then the door opened halfway to reveal Loki looking down at her with a subtly arched brow. He clearly hadn’t expected her to come in search of him.

“Whatcha doin’?”

He seemed as if he almost couldn’t bother with an answer. “Just doing a bit of tidying, if you must know.”

“Can I come in?”

After a few moments of inaction, he swung the door open fully and stepped aside.

“So this is where Loki sleeps when he’s not off getting an education.”

It was certainly different from what she thought a young man’s bedroom would look like. Then again, Loki wasn’t exactly the typical young man. The walls were a charcoal gray and the comforter was dark green with thin gold lining. Laid across the hardwood was a large black rug. Despite the darker walls, the room was bright and airy with the black curtains pulled back to let the sunlight in, limited as it was at the moment with the snow falling. There seemed to be hardly any clutter. There was no unidentifiable stench. It was strangely inviting.

“You do have a thing for green.” She looked to the comforter.

“I told you this room’s not much of a secret,” he said, watching her casually wind her way through the room. “Is your curiosity satisfied?”

“Satisfaction’s not in my nature.”

A smirk slowly wound its way onto his face. “Clever girl.”

“Can I sit?” She gestured to the bed.

“Would you listen if I said no?”

She sat down. “Can I help with anything? Any diaries to burn? Old underwear to throw out?”

“Wouldn’t you enjoy that,” he said as he tied a trash bag closed.

When he finished, he leaned forward on the desk, head bent, and let out a sigh. She could only just see his profile, but she caught the tight line of his mouth. She rose and moved to the window.

“Come here.” He lifted his head and raised an eyebrow. “Windows are great for brooding and contemplation.” She didn’t miss the laugh he held in. When he made his way over, she grabbed his hands.

“You’re such a strange creature, Jane.”

“So you’ve said. What’s going on?”

“Is this where we talk about our feelings and hug it out?”

“It can be.” She hesitated. “Is it about your brother?” When he tried to tug his hands away, she held tight. “What’s going on with you and him? There’s always been a rivalry as long as I’ve known you two.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. I would never deign to concern myself with anything as puerile as that. The simple fact of the matter is that he is a lumbering oaf who never fails to grate on my last nerve.”

“I don’t buy it. We never talked about you too much when we were dating, but he did mention how you’ve bailed him out a couple times. Neighborhood shenanigans, dodgy friends, things like that.”

“Clearly he has a problem with self-control. I still don’t understand what you ever saw in him.”

Jane suddenly felt compelled to hide her face. “Your brother’s not a bad guy. He obviously cares about you.”

“Yes, like my father does? In whose eyes Thor can do no wrong?”

“Well, that’s not true. I remember Thor telling me one time that your dad kicked him out for a couple weeks ’cause he got in trouble from a bar fight.”

“An anomaly in my father’s judgment.”

“You’re really lucky to have him, you know. I might even go so far as to say he’s lucky to have you, too. I used to wish I had a sibling.”

Then there was a moment of silence, and she suddenly didn’t feel so comfortable prying into his personal relationships. It wasn’t her place.

“All I’m saying is there’s probably just a lot of miscommunication going on. You know how families are.”

Leaving it at that, she dropped his hands to leave him in peace. She was promptly tugged back. “Why do you care so much, Jane?”

“Huh?”

“My father, my brother. All of it, it has no bearing on you. Why are you pushing so hard for peace among us?”

“Because…” _Because I care way more about your happiness than I ever thought I would._ “Because…”

Then her thoughts shifted and she was very nearly about to ask what they were doing. Why he was always kissing her, why she always wanted to kiss him, why they felt the need to sneak around. She wanted to ask what his intentions were, what his end game was. Was she just temporary entertainment for the break in between school? A pawn to get back at Thor for whatever ill will he held against his brother? These questions were on the tip of her tongue.

Then Thor appeared in the doorway.

“Mother’s back.” His eyes were zeroed in on her hands trapped in Loki’s. Then they met his brother’s. “We’re all going to the symphony tonight.”


	3. Chapter 3

“It’s so wonderful you decided to join us, Jane.”

She put on a smile for Frigga. “Of course. I’ve always been fascinated by orchestras.”

The two were stepping out of the house, the men taking their time behind them. Jane wore a black cocktail dress with tights underneath and a matching faux fur shrug Frigga had generously let her borrow. She hadn’t expected an outing with the whole family, but she supposed she had signed up for the possibility.

“You know, one of the things my charity deals in is getting people, particularly young people, more interested in the arts,” Frigga said.

“Oh, really? That’s great.”

“I’ve worked tirelessly to get Thor to show more enthusiasm for it, but his interests have always lain elsewhere. Loki, on the other hand, is much more receptive. He always has been.”

“The class we shared together was actually art history, funny enough.”

“Is that right?”

She nodded. “He seemed to be good at it. Or interested, at least.”

“And you were not?”

“Well, I wouldn’t say I wasn’t interested. It just wouldn’t have been my first choice in classes, to be honest.”

“Oh, everyone has an area or two they’ll naturally gravitate toward, given the opportunity. I admire that you care so deeply about your field of study, but I’m also glad to hear you decided to dip your toes in something new.”

Jane blinked, suddenly struck with the odd thought that if she’d never enrolled in that class, she wouldn’t have grown to know Loki. She wouldn’t be standing in front of their massive home waiting to join his family at the symphony. She glanced behind her through the open door where Loki was shrugging on his overcoat and scarf. She had to stop herself from staring. Even the way he moved was unfathomably sexy.

“Time to go,” Frigga said, guiding her to where, unnoticed by Jane, Alvin had appeared in the driveway and stood in wait.

“Actually, I’ll be driving the two of us,” said Loki as he approached from behind.

“You?” Jane asked.

“Yes, me. Did you hit your head too hard in the snow earlier? Forgotten who I am already?”

“Oh, Loki, we’ve already got Alvin waiting for us,” Frigga gently chided.

“It’ll be a tight fit. Jane and I will go on our own. Let’s go.” He walked in the direction of the garage and after a sheepish look aimed at his mom, Jane followed after him, already regretting her heels.

“Slow down.”

“Come on.” He led her to the garage, whose door was open to reveal an extensive room where several luxury cars were lined up. Walking over to the Audi whose engine sat idling, he pulled open the passenger door and waited. When she passed him to get in, he said, “How’s the view now that you can finally see over my shoulder?”

“Shut up,” she muttered just before he shut the door. After a quick turn in her seat to see the black sedan driven by Alvin pulling away with the rest of the family inside, she twisted back around and waited as Loki moved around the front and got in. She brought her hands up to absorb the heat emanating from the vents as he put the car into gear.

“You look lovely,” he said conversationally as they pulled out.

“Thanks. So do you.” She wasn’t sure she’d ever get used to his compliments. There was little conversation for the next several minutes, the smooth purr of the engine and the low blast of the heat the only sounds to be heard.

“So where is this place?” she eventually asked.

“We’re going into the city. It’s about a twenty-minute ride,” he answered.

“It’s safe with all this snow?”

“The roads are clear, I’m sure you can see. The people here are no strangers to snow, you must have known. Where did you grow up if you’re not accustomed to such conditions?”

“I lived in several places as a kid, but I spent a big chunk of my adolescence in Virginia. My dad taught at Culver, remember? We got snow but only occasionally, and it was usually a big deal when we did.”

“All the same. Fear not, Jane Foster. I’m well used to navigating in this terrain. One might even say I have a unique relationship with the cold.”

She knew right away he was referring to when she’d told him he wasn’t always the ice cold monster he liked to pretend he was. With his words ringing in the air, she only then noticed how soft their voices were. They’d already exchanged plenty of dialogue in soft tones, of course, but it somehow felt different when they were alone in the confines of a moving vehicle. The small space served as a cavern in which words bounced off the walls and clung to its inhabitants. Words had the potential to sound more final in cars. More intimate.

Clearing her throat, she shifted in her seat. “Can we listen to music?”

“Go ahead,” he said with a subtle nod toward the stereo.

She did her best with operating the touchscreen, unaccustomed as she was to cars outfitted with the latest technology. She eventually settled on a station that was currently playing an old soft rock song and leaned back in her plush seat. With the music on low, she turned her attention to the view outside, the artificial lights of town slowly bleeding into the more ubiquitous gleam of the city, a mini-galaxy in itself.

In that moment, she had the odd sensation of being apart from her body, like she was merely looking on as someone who looked just like her rode in the passenger seat as Loki drove beside her. It was so domestic, so ordinary. They were cruising along in a momentary freeze frame that would last nearly three weeks, and she had no idea where they were heading. It was safe to pretend in the confines of the car that they were simply two people who were attracted to each other. No games, no complications, no judgment. She almost felt she could’ve been anyone she wanted.

Then, with a jolt, that feeling effectively came crashing down when she remembered how Thor had walked in on her and Loki holding hands and she swore she could feel her heart plummet. How could she have forgotten in the span of an afternoon?

“Thor saw us.”

It was silent. She waited before slowly swiveling her head to face Loki, who kept his gaze ahead, expression unreadable.

“Yes,” he said eventually. “And what of it?”

He had to be joking.

“Platonic friends don’t just go around holding hands like that, Loki. He knows.”

“Does it matter?”

“Yes. He’s your brother. I dated your brother.” She knew she wasn’t imagining it when she saw his jaw tick.

“That’s in the past. It makes no difference now.”

“It doesn’t work like that. I don’t even know what he must be thinking right now.”

“Tell me, Jane, why does it concern you so much what he thinks? Why does it plague you with shame and guilt to have been seen with me?” His eyes, dark as they were in the night, pierced through her for the short amount of time he diverted them from the road.

She knew she had gone red; her ears were burning. For the longest time, she’d avoided spelling it out for him, relying on his keen wit and perception to inform him so she didn’t have to. Surely he knew why. He had to. But for whatever reason he wanted her to say it out loud.

She came out of her haze and the noise of the world returned, penetrating her ears unfiltered. “Because how does it look when a girl goes from one brother to the next? What do people think when that happens? What do they say?”

“Is that how you view this? Going from one brother to the next?”

She sighed and shook her head in impatience. “That’s not what I meant.”

“How did you mean it, Jane?”

“You know what I mean. Yeah, Thor and I weren’t serious, but now that I’m…with…you, I—” She stopped, uncertain of how her words would be received. She and Loki clearly weren’t _with_ each other, but she didn’t know how else to phrase it.

“Go on.” His voice contained the carefully measured control she knew he was a master of, but she could detect the rattling of the cage behind his words.

“It makes me seem…” she started reluctantly. She really didn’t want to go on. “I mean, people tend to think…”

“For goodness’ sake, Jane.”

They exchanged a long, hard look and she hoped her gaze bore through him as much as his did her. Time seemed to stand still in their mutual glower. When Loki spoke next, the ferocity in his voice startled her.

“So help me, Jane, if you start rattling off to me about the perception of your sexual proclivities, I will stop this car.” His knuckles were tight around the steering wheel and the expression he wore was fiercer than she’d ever seen. “You shouldn’t care what others think. Not one scrap. They’re all fools and their lowly opinions don’t mean a thing, but if anyone ever so much as hints at casting aspersions on your character, bring them my way and they’ll find their opinion sorely changed.”

Stunned, all Jane could do was stare. To hear him speak so passionately, so unwavering in his speech like he was defending her, like he cared…she had no idea where it came from.

“What Thor or anyone else thinks is nothing,” he said. “Not even my mother’s opinion would change anything.”

Jane swallowed at his resolute tone and leaned her head back in her seat, all of a sudden tired. When she spoke, it was with a weariness of the world. “I really hate the judgments women in my position get, for the record. Not even just my position. I hate it all.”

“As you should. People love to gossip, throw stones at others whose lives they know nothing about, all the while too cowardly to face their own problems.”

She remained quiet for a moment. Then her words were soft, decided. “I’m not embarrassed.” When she turned to him, he was looking back. “I’m not plagued with shame or guilt because of you, Loki. I just know your family now, too. That’s all.”

He turned back to the road. His only response was a breathy, humorless scoff.

“Sentiment.”

  


* * *

  


The music was beautiful. Jane hadn’t been to the symphony since a night out with her dad in high school, and she reveled in the sweeping tones, the exquisite harmonies, the way it all coalesced to form a narrative. She might not have been capable of producing those sounds herself, but she could appreciate the response they stirred within her. She was pretty sure her eyes fell shut at one point.

She sat between Loki and Thor, and the three of them sat behind Frigga and Odin in their private box. She was acutely aware of both brothers on either side of her, their towering figures even when seated hard to ignore.

Thor hadn’t uttered a single word to her about what he’d seen, instead engaging in meaningless chatter only when necessary. She’d braced herself for his silent judgment, his disapproving stare when they all prepared to leave the house, and she did the same even after her conversation in the car with Loki. But as they’d all congregated in the foyer, he merely met her eyes for a second before returning his attention to the collar of his coat, and when she and Loki arrived at the concert hall not too long after the others, he’d remained reserved as they made their way through the lobby and to their seats.

She wished she could’ve been like Loki. Not caring what others thought when it came to the two of them. But it was Thor and he’d been nothing but kind.

After a particularly long piece, time came for intermission and Jane was slow to join the applause, caught in the music-induced trance as she was. She saw Loki turn his head to her from the side and she mirrored him and smiled gently, noting the way his eyes subtly roved over her facial features. When she faced forward again, she noticed Thor’s head slightly angled towards her and the side glance he gave her.

Frigga turned to them amid the applause. “How goes it over there? How are we enjoying it thus far?”

“It’s absolutely beautiful,” Jane said.

“Divine,” Loki said with a bored, perfunctory tone.

“Thor? Restless yet?” Frigga said with a teasing smirk.

Thor cleared his throat as the applause died down and rubbed his palms on his slacks. “The performance is fine, mother. I just need to exercise my legs a bit.” With that, he rose from his seat and swept past the curtain.

Unconcerned, Frigga turned back in her seat to chat with Odin as Jane fumbled with her thoughts. Should she go after him? It probably wasn’t the most opportune time, but she felt compelled to clear things up with him. She didn’t think she could handle avoiding the elephant in the room longer than she already had with the way he seemed to avoid her gaze and spoke only polite, sparse words to her when necessary. Even after her conversation with Loki, she needed to ensure she stayed on good terms with him, that they didn’t go on operating under some misunderstanding. Whatever she decided, she needed to do it quickly before he got too far with his huge stride.

Her lip was going to turn raw from the chewing she was doing. Was she really going to do it there?

After one or two hesitant attempts to get up from her seat, she threw caution to the wind and went after him, uncaring of Loki’s reaction.

He was nearly at the end of the long hallway located behind the box seats when she made it past the curtain. “Thor.”

He slowed in his tracks and turned to watch as she hastily traversed the red carpet, purpose in her stride. “Jane.”

“Thor, we need to talk.”

He eyed their nearby surroundings. “Jane, I’m not sure this is—”

“No, we need to talk.”

He remained silent and took in her firm expression. Then he nodded. She craned her neck to glance around the corner to make sure no one was coming or going and jerked her head in the direction of the wall. They moved off to the side.

“What you saw today…” When he made no move to interrupt, she continued, “it’s…complicated.”

“Complicated in what way, Jane?”

She absently wet her lips and looked to the floor for guidance. “Loki and I…look, I know we went out, but—me and him, we were just friends, _are_ just friends, I don’t know—”

“He doesn’t look at you like a friend.” At that, she looked up. He shook his head, eyes narrowed. “I should have known. I always suspected there was something there from the very first day you met.”

“Thor, I—” She stopped abruptly when a patron from one of the other boxes passed. The woman spared them a quick, curious glance and Jane attempted a flash of a polite smile as she passed, but her cheek muscles proved to be stiff. When the woman turned the corner, Jane continued with a slightly lowered voice.

“Thor, I never liked him, you know that. I barely talked to the guy before we had a class together. It was only this past semester that things started changing. But when you and I were together, he was never on my radar. Never.”

He didn’t respond for several long moments, looking off to the side. “You don’t have to explain yourself, Jane. Not in that regard. As much as I admit this is all to take in, I do know you, and I trust you. Your feelings I never doubted.”

Relief coursed through her as he continued.

“Loki and I didn’t always share such a cumbersome relationship. But as we’ve gotten older, I’ve found he turns to resentment more and more for reasons with which I’ll probably never identify, and perhaps that’s on me. But I never thought it’d come to this.” At her twisted brow, he clarified, “He’s always sought to take what’s mine.”

Head reeling back from insult, Jane moved to offer a fiery retort before he swiftly interrupted.

“That didn’t come out right. Jane, forgive me. All I meant was that whatever I have, he wants to take so he can prove how much better he is at it. And what I had was a relationship with you.”

She didn’t know how to respond. Her thoughts were a jumbled mess. Thor believed Loki was pursuing her in an attempt to one-up him. Then why did he say Loki had always looked at her with interest, unless he believed that interest was solely based on the fact that Loki associated her with him and she was thus some sort of pawn to use?

She didn’t want to believe Thor’s words, but she saw the logic in them, and in doing so, she realized her fears about Loki’s intentions could very well have been true. It made sense. At his best, he was playful, mischievous and cavalier. At his worst, he was cunning, cold, ruthless.

And yet, there were hints that the Loki she’d grown to know harbored something for her beyond a simple manipulation for his Machiavellian schemes. It was in his actions and words, the way he’d remember some detail she’d mentioned in a long ago conversation and bring it up later. It was in the way he seemed to value her opinion and perspective, listening with rapt attention even when he pretended he wasn’t. It was in the way he took her hand just because he wanted to, the way he kissed her, sometimes soft and sweet, other times with a fervor that threatened to consume her.

But of the many things that Loki was, he was also a good actor.

“He doesn’t want the job that was supposed to be yours,” Jane offered eventually in a halfhearted attempt to defend him. “Gard International.”

“No, that’s different,” Thor said. “Deep down, he may seek the approval of our father but not when it’s to the detriment of his wellbeing. He is first and foremost a man who only looks out for himself. That job would weigh him down in the long run. He doesn’t want it and when he’s made up his mind, there’s no changing it.”

She had nothing to say. Her mind had gone from racing to oddly blank.

“Jane…” Thor started. Then his attention was fixed on a spot over her head and she knew who it was.

“Brother.” She didn’t have to see him to know he said it with a sneer.

Instead of engaging him, Thor looked down at Jane, speaking volumes with his eyes. A warning. Then, sparing one long look at Loki, he brushed past him to head back to the box. Loki didn’t watch as he went, though Jane did. His attention was on her, and she pretended not to notice his glacial stare.

“What did he say to you?” he said once they were alone. The warm glow of the lights cast half of his face in shadow and Jane didn’t think there was a more appropriate picture.

“Leave me alone, Loki.” She moved to sweep past him, but he blocked her with an arm.

“What did he say to you?” he repeated more slowly, his agitation barely contained.

“It doesn’t matter. Intermission’s almost over.” She pushed at his arm but it barely yielded.

“Whatever he said to you, Jane, you know better than to heed it.”

“Do I? Is that something you were counting on?”

His brows lowered. The look on his face said he was in no mood to play games, but she knew better. That’s all he’d been doing for as long as they’d known each other.

“Speak plainly, Jane. My patience is wearing thin.”

“You’re smart, Loki. You figure it out.” With a final push, his arm gave way as he allowed her escape.

She didn’t look back. Why had she decided to confront Thor then and there of all places? Now she had to go back and sit between them for the next hour or so and pretend nothing had happened. What a stupidly rash decision.

She wanted to laugh. She wanted to cry. The color of her face nearly matched the carpet.

Thor didn’t say a word as she retook her seat. Nor did Loki when he eventually reappeared. Like three terribly mismatched peas in a pod, they sat stock still in their seats and suffered through the remainder of the evening, applauding like robots and making nary a sound with their stiff movements.

The new year couldn’t come fast enough.


	4. Chapter 4

The trains weren’t running. More snow had come down hard overnight, debilitating Jane’s preferred method of travel. Before she and Loki had left for his house, she’d never seriously expected to want to take him up on their agreement that she could leave whenever she wanted. But after the events of last night, she was hard-pressed to want to stay. There was no point. She’d found Loki out and was more resolved than ever not to be a piece in his play. Moreover, she’d never considered herself to be a good actor and was thus incapable of carrying on under the same roof as the two brothers like nothing had happened. She fancied herself to be a pretty strong person and thought she could stick it out, but she also knew when she deserved better.

But as it was, she was quite stuck, and she refused to ask Alvin to make the lengthy drive back to campus solely on her behalf. And so, Jane swallowed her pride and told herself she could make it through however long it took for the trains to start working again.

She might even have been able to survive the rest of break by holing herself up in her room, as she was currently doing that afternoon, though she intended on making intermittent appearances for the sake of Frigga and Odin. It would have been terribly remiss of her to appear ungrateful to her hosts.

After the conclusion of the musical performance the night before, she’d stood from her seat with stiff joints and gripped her clutch tightly as she followed Frigga and Odin out. She’d been hyperaware of Thor’s imposing figure behind her and that of a skulking Loki somewhere behind him.

When the valet came with their cars, Loki had gathered, not incorrectly, that Jane would not be riding with him. She didn’t spare him a single glance as she moved to sidle into the town car after Frigga, who’d turned with a curious, “Oh,” and continued sliding into her seat. Thor had slid into the front passenger seat soon after, and no one asked any questions as they made the journey back.

Jane was currently sat at the desk in the guest room, passing the time on her laptop. Her stomach growled; she hadn’t surfaced even to eat.

Then there was a knock at the door.

She froze mid-type. The knock was gentle, almost timid. Silently, she rose and moved across the room. When she opened the door, she was largely relieved to find Thor on the other side, though she berated that carefully hidden part of her that wished it was Loki, if only to explain himself.

“Jane.” Thor’s impossibly deep voice rumbled in the quiet.

“Thor.”

He opened his mouth to speak, but to no avail. She got the sense he’d rehearsed what to say but lost the will upon coming face to face with her.

She was hit with a strong pang of guilt. None of this was his fault.

“Wanna come in?” She swung the door open further.

Wordlessly, he entered. She turned and found him coming to a stop near the bed, his back still to her. Slowly, she drew closer, leaving a fair amount of space between them. She waited patiently for him to gather his words.

He turned his head so that she could see his profile. “I realize that none of this is fair to you.”

She crossed her arms. “To either of us.”

“I don’t know what you were expecting when you came to stay here, but I’m sure it wasn’t this. I apologize for any discomfort you may be feeling here in our home. That’s not how it should be.”

Her mouth twitched. “It was my decision to come.”

“Yesterday, I claimed to know my brother. What he’s like, where his motivations lie. And while I do believe that’s true to an extent, I admit I’m still often confused by his actions, and I grew up with him. One day I think I have him figured out, and the other, he goes on and does something beyond my expectations. He’s…a very complex person.”

Jane pursed her lips. “That’s one way of putting it.”

Thor slowly spun then, regarding her with a sober expression. “I do not regret telling you what I did last night, Jane. No matter his true intentions, I still believe it’s in your best interest to remain cautious.”

“Thanks, Thor, I can look out for myself.” She didn’t mention how she might not have caught on as quickly had he not warned her last night.

“I won’t allow my brother to make a mockery of you, Jane.”

The conviction in his voice took her by small surprise, though she remained stoic.

“In part, it may have been Loki’s disregard for other people’s feelings that made him the wily, formidable person he is. Or maybe it’s the other way around, I don’t know. But I do know you deserve better. And should it turn out that he does indeed have duplicitous designs on you, I won’t hesitate to put him in his place.” He paused to study her reaction, though all he got was the subtle line between her brows.

“That said…” He averted his gaze, seeming to recall something. “Should his intentions be pure—pure as they can be for him—I will say he…almost seems different around you.”

She made not a sound.

“He’s ever the same brother I grew up with, but with you, it…it’s almost as if you make him…” Weary, he gave a slight shake of his head. “Well, what’s the closest thing to happy a man like Loki can get?”

And just like that, the knife in her chest she’d up until then refused to acknowledge dug in further, piercing her so deep she swore she could feel its physical manifestation. She nearly wanted to cry.

Only then, when there was nothing else left for her and Loki, did she realize how much it hurt to lose him before she ever had him. What a fool she’d been to carry on in his company as though he could have been anything but deceitful.

She fought hard to swallow down the lump in her throat. Her voice came out flat. “You really believe that?”

He didn’t answer, instead looking off to the side. She watched as his eyes flickered unseeing over the opposite wall, as though they might have provided him with answers.

“Do you enjoy ice skating?”

“Ice skating?”

“There’s an ice rink in the center of town. It’s part of a small festival they do every year. It’s a nice tradition. I was going to leave in a bit. What do you say you join me? You’ll get to meet a couple of my friends.”

There was nothing she wanted to do less.

“Thanks, but I’m not really in the mood.”

“It might be a good way to kill some time, get some fresh air. I don’t know how you get, but I, for one, am highly prone to cabin fever.” He attempted a lighthearted smile.

Uncrossing her arms, she moved to shake her head and turn him down again.

“Our mother always touted the benefits of venturing outdoors to us as children,” he continued. “Helps you gain some perspective when you need it most. And as one of your hosts, I’m afraid I must invoke my right to forbid you from holing yourself up in your room for the remainder of your stay. I simply won’t allow it, Jane.”

She gave a resigned sigh, unable to help but roll her eyes in amused acquiescence when he graced her with a mock-scolding look.

And so, less than an hour later, Jane found herself downtown, lacing up her ice skates as she sat on a bench in one of the town squares. Finishing up the final knot, she puffed out a visible breath and drew her attention out to the rink. People in winter gear ranging from puffy jackets to streamlined windbreakers to long wool coats littered the space. The shrieks of children rang out as they whizzed past, uncaring in their glee.

Jane leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees as she took in the scene. Silently, she grudgingly admitted that Thor had been right. It was good for her to get out, get out of her headspace and be reminded of the outside world.

It didn’t mean her thoughts never returned to Loki, for they did. But at least out there, she could brood in the company of others.

She looked off to the side, where Thor stood chatting with his friends in the distance. There was a girl and a guy, and they all appeared to share a real camaraderie as they threw their heads back in laughter.

Itching to get off her feet now that she was outside, Jane lightly stomped the short distance from the bench to one of the openings in the rink, the snow crunching beneath her skates as she went. She didn’t know how many turns around the ice she made, simply relishing the bite of the cold wind against her face. Eventually her legs called for a break, and she maneuvered through the throng of people to get back to the bench. She was almost there when she heard Thor’s voice nearby.

“Jane!”

She turned and was met with the sight of Thor a short distance away beside his two friends, who both turned to look at her. Thor waved her over.

“Jane, come here, I’d like you to meet these two knuckleheads.”

With movements lacking the grace she’d hoped for, she hobbled her way over to the group.

“Sorry, I’d have introduced you earlier, but when we came back, you were out on the ice,” Thor said. “Jane, this is Fandral and Sif. Guys, this is Jane Foster.”

“Delighted,” said the blond man, Fandral, clasping her hand affectionately. “Thor’s told us so much about you.”

“Really? I can’t imagine there’s much to tell.”

“Au contraire. He couldn’t have told us enough. He certainly forgot to mention how lovely you are.”

“Pay him no mind. Or actually, do. Otherwise, he’ll never learn,” the brunette woman said with a nudge to Fandral.

Jane attempted a polite smile. “Nice to meet you guys.”

She became suddenly aware of how much shorter she was than all three of them. Though it was somewhat of a trivial thing, as she was well used to having to look up, she found herself beset with an extra amount of nerves in their company. They all seemed to exude something she lacked, a lust for life, a certain ruggedness.

Perhaps it was just her current state of mind that made her feel that way.

“So Jane, tell us, how do you like it at the Odinson palace? Have they scared you off yet?” Fandral asked.

“Come off it, Fandral,” said Thor.

“What? I know now how much drama passes through those walls. The things I’ve seen,” he said the last part to Jane in a mock-conspiratorial tone.

“Have you known each other for a long time?” Jane asked.

“Feels like it’s been ages, doesn’t it, old chap?” Fandral clapped Thor on the back. “Like we’re already old friends. But I suppose not.”

“We all met during our travels a couple years ago,” said Sif. “We’ve stuck together ever since. Sometimes I consider ditching them, but then I remember I might have need of their skills, some of which I’m loath to admit I lack.”

“Yes, we can hear you,” said Fandral. “But we’ll take the compliment, Lady Sif.”

“There are two others, Hogun and Volstagg, but they’re off at Hogun’s instead. Something about the spark of a revolution,” said Thor.

“So do you guys normally visit each other’s homes?” asked Jane.

“We take turns visiting each other’s hometowns when we desire a bit of stability,” he said. “Even the most well-traveled need some sort of base.”

“Wow. That must be a lot of jet-setting around the globe.”

He gestured to their surroundings. “We’re not always away. We do come home every so often.”

Jane nodded and gulped in an attempt to wet her dry mouth. She looked around. “Do they sell drinks around here?”

Thor craned his neck and pointed. “Yes, over there. I think they’ve got hot chocolate, cider, things like that. Oh, you and Sif can go together. She mentioned something about wanting hot chocolate earlier. Fandral and I will be over here.”

Unable to refuse, Jane nodded. With a stiff smile, she fell into step with Sif and they made the short trek to the booth, the latter having enough grace to wait as Jane stumbled every now and then in her skates.

The silence between them was noticed by both parties.

“So…” Jane started. “Do you come here often?”

“Here as in this skating rink?”

“No, um, I mean this town.”

“Sometimes.”

“Where are you and Fandral staying?”

“In the city. We like to do a bit of exploring every time we visit.”

“So you must really like traveling, huh?”

“Is there something wrong with that?”

“No, of course not. I’d love to do some myself. It’s just, ya know, money and all.”

“Hm. Where did you have in mind?”

“Anywhere. Although…if I’m really being honest, my sights have never really been strictly set on Earth.”

Sif tilted her head in confusion.

Jane gave a weak chuckle. “Sorry, I can be kinda crazy about that stuff. Things like Einstein-Rosen Bridges, the works.”

“I’m not familiar with those.”

“Oh, you know, like wormholes. I’ve always been fascinated by more efficient means of space travel. I mean, just imagining all the things out there that we don’t know about blows my mind.”

Sif nodded slowly. “It’s a hefty load to unpack, I’m sure. The universe is a big place.”

“Exactly. And there might not even be just the one. There could be so many, infinite maybe—” She glanced to the side at Sif. “Sorry. Once I get started, it’s hard getting me to stop.”

Sif shook her head lightly. “Truth be told, it sounds quite interesting. Unfortunately, I don’t possess the brainpower to be of any use to this topic of conversation.” She stopped when they neared the booth. “Great. It’s him.”

Jane followed her gaze, waiting for the passersby to clear so she could see who Sif was talking about. When her line of sight cleared and she saw who sat behind the booth, her heart lurched.

“Oh, my god.” Twisting so that her back was to him, she edged not so subtly behind Sif’s taller figure.

“I see you’ve had some unpleasant experiences with him, too,” Sif said over her shoulder. “It’s too late. He’s already seen us.”

Jane let out a million curses in her head. He was the last person she'd expected to see there, let alone behind the refreshment booth. She hadn’t even known he was out of the house.

Steeling herself, she reluctantly turned back around and was immediately arrested by the eyes of Loki. The eyes that managed to pierce right through her no matter what he was doing or saying. The eyes that at times, through their service as conduits, hinted at turbulence, were light in color but sometimes spoke of a lingering darkness yearning to be heard, be healed. The intense eyes that could send her heart rate skyrocketing with a single glance.

The eyes she’d grown to love.

And they were trained right on her.

She distantly registered Sif moving ahead without her to approach the booth, where Loki sat alone, arms crossed, ankle resting on his knee. Unthinking, she found herself shuffling closer.

“Loki,” said Sif.

“Lady Sif. How lovely to see you again.” His unamused smirk was clearly mocking.

“I’d say the same to you, but I’ve never been one for lying.”

He put a hand to his chest. “Ooh. You wound me. Have you been practicing your barbs while you’ve been away?”

“You clearly have enough for the both of us. It wouldn’t surprise me if you spent your nights alone in your room rehearsing your next quip.”

“Thinking about me at night, then, are you?”

She gave an irritated sigh and looked off to the side. Loki’s gaze returned to Jane.

“Now, then. I presume the unlikely pair of you didn’t come over solely to engage in inane social intercourse with me, flattering as that may be.”

Mustering up the courage from an unknown place, Jane met his unwavering stare. “No. I’d like an apple cider please.” The last word came out stilted.

Expressionless, he flickered his gaze over to Sif. “And for you, Lady Sif?”

“A hot chocolate. And stop calling me that.”

“It doesn’t do to forget where you came from,” he said offhandedly, standing to prepare their drinks.

There was a swift exchange of hot beverages and money. Loki didn’t look at Jane again, though surely he must have felt her stare, which only made her angrier. He had the gall to play her, then he took it upon himself to act like she didn’t exist?

As he slipped the money into the register, she gave him her best death glare, which could have been wasted on him for all she knew. After his initial acknowledgement of her presence, he was now seemingly content to ignore her.

She could do the same.

Taking great care not to crush the full styrofoam cup in her hand, Jane whipped around and stalked off, making a decidedly less dignified exit with her ice skates still on. She wanted to scream to the skies. Just once, she wanted to have the upper hand.

In her haste, she managed to remember Sif, who soon caught up anyway.

“Is it safe to say you might’ve had worse encounters with him than I have?”

She grumbled an unintelligible response.

Later, she sat alone as Thor and his friends wandered around the square, going from the stage where a live band was playing to the various winter activities sprinkled throughout. She’d turned down Thor’s invitation to join them, citing a wish to do some more skating. But as she sat at the far end of a bench where, at the other end, a mother helped her child put on his skates, Jane found no will to move. Holiday joy was in the air and she should have been basking in it. Instead, she watched with slumped shoulders as the townspeople went to and fro.

Then a distinct presence appeared at her left and she knew instinctively who it was. She didn’t know if he commanded that attention with everyone or if she’d just become that in tune with him.

She didn’t look up.

“I didn’t expect to see you here.”

“Thor invited me.”

Silence.

“I didn’t expect to see _you_ here.”

“An unfortunate promise made long ago to my mother on behalf of her foundation,” he said.

She stiffened as he moved slowly to take a seat, the snow crunching beneath his boots. He left a noticeable gap between them. Just then, the mother and son stood to head to the rink, leaving Jane and Loki alone on the bench, both facing forward with a million unspoken words ringing between them.

She made no move to speak first. She had a cascade of things to say to him, but she wasn’t going to be the one to put herself on the line first. She wasn’t going to lay it all out there only to get nothing in return.

She waited, and the liveliness of the town square made the silence only slightly more bearable. Unbidden, her stomach let out another growl.

“You should eat something.”

She glared into the middle distance.

“You needn’t have worried about running into me around the house earlier. I’ve been out most of the day.”

 _How would I have known that?_ , she wanted to say.

“The trains have stopped running.”

She scoffed. “So clearly you’ve gathered something’s wrong here.”

He looked at her then. “I gathered it just fine last night after that little display in the corridor.”

She could feel more than see his cutting gaze. “That ‘little display’ was long overdue. Now you know just how pathetically oblivious I can be.”

“You see, you say that, but I’m at a loss as to what it is you refer to, and I don’t admit such things lightly, Jane.”

“You’re unbelievable.”

“I’ve been called far worse.”

She met his eye then. “You’re really gonna sit there and act like you’re innocent?”

His gaze was steady. “I’ve never claimed to be innocent in anything.”

She turned away, jaw clenched. “Good job, Loki. You’ve done your part. But cat’s out of the bag now. No need to insult my intelligence even further.” With that, she got up and made for the rink.

He said nothing. She didn’t know what else he did after that. She simply preoccupied herself with getting back on the ice to escape his presence, skating on autopilot and only distantly registering her surroundings.

She didn’t even know how long she was out there. She dared to look directly at the bench where they’d sat only when she could see from her peripheral as she passed that it was empty. In doing so, she almost didn’t see the little girl up ahead skating perpendicular to her, moving right into her path.

Jane’s eyes widened. She was mere seconds away from running the girl over and there wasn’t enough room to swerve without colliding with someone else. She was sliding, flailing her arms to catch her balance as she attempted to come to an abrupt stop, when a firm grip yanked her by the arm. She was sent reeling back before the newcomer spun her and she was twirling right into a solid chest with a _thwack_.

She didn’t have to look up to know who it was, though she did anyway.

Loki maintained his firm grip on her. “Take care to be more observant next time.”

She elbowed her way out of his grip. “What are you doing?”

He looked away in annoyance. “I find myself often asking the same question when it comes to you.”

“I don’t want anything more to do with you, Loki. I’m done with your games.” She skated off.

He followed, his tone colored with disdain. “How many more times will you have me chase after you like some lovesick fool?”

“No one’s making you do it, Loki,” she threw over her shoulder. “So I don’t know why you keep showing up.”

She didn’t expect it when, in a swift move, Loki slid ahead of her and spun to a stop, causing her to crash into his chest a second time. She let out a noise as she collided with him.

“Stop doing that!”

“Stop being a petulant child and tell me why it disturbs you so much.”

“What?” Her tone was scathing.

“I’ve some idea of what Thor said to you, Jane, and I want to know why the thought of it upsets you so, why it upsets you so much you feel you can’t even be within ten meters of me.”

Her heavy breaths came out in visible puffs as they stood there on the ice, people passing by without a second glance. “We are not doing this here.”

He quickly pulled her off the ice. “We are not doing this in skates.”

Though she twisted her arm to get him to loosen his grip, she allowed him to keep his hold on her as he led them to the kiosk where their shoes waited. Soon, they had their proper footwear on and Loki pulled her away to where few people lingered, stopping under a tree whose thick branches were layered with snow.

“Stop manhandling me,” said Jane, pulling herself free.

“You didn’t answer my question. Why does it disturb you so much?”

“Because I was big enough of an idiot to think you actually liked me!”

That gave him visible pause.

“I actually believed you.” Now that she’d started, it was proving difficult to stop. “I can’t believe I didn’t see how it was all just part of some stupid game to one-up your brother or get revenge or whatever other petty scheme it is you like to plan in your downtime. God, I’m such an idiot. I actually thought you were an okay guy for a second. But you’re incapable of being anything remotely resembling genuine, aren’t you?”

He merely watched as she ranted. But even in her indignant haze, she could see the walls forming behind his eyes, the defensive line of his mouth.

“What I really wanna know, though, is how far you were willing to take this. Have you been planning this since the beginning of the semester? If so, bravo, Loki, you have a real career waiting for you in the theater. You know, this is a really shitty thing to do to someone. And the worst part is you probably know that but you don’t care. You don’t care about anything but yourself and what you can gain from others.”

“Are you quite finished?”

Swiping her hair out of her eyes with a brusque movement, she said, “I’m just getting started.”

“Listen closely, Jane, because I’m not in the habit of explaining myself to spare someone else’s feelings.” His tone was biting. “Whatever warped conclusion you’ve deemed yourself righteous enough to jump to contains no merit, and that you’ve allowed yourself to fall prey to another’s agenda is most disappointing. I never thought you, aspiring astrophysicist Jane Foster, so weak of mind as to be as easily persuaded as you were, and by Thor, no less. I’ve singular designs on you, indeed, Jane, and I’ll let it be known their inception dates back to I know not when. It’s in my nature and I’ve no qualms about that. But in this rare instance, this unequivocally unwelcome disaster in which we've found ourselves, have you stopped once to consider that perhaps my touches, my _kisses_ —” With bared teeth, he grabbed her arm. “—were born from nothing but truth? Do you suppose I go around laying my hard-earned affection on everyone I encounter?”

She wrenched her arm free. “I wouldn’t put it past you. Not if it’s to your advantage. All you know is how to use people, and you push away those who actually care. Your brother, Thor, he didn’t warn me to fit some sort of agenda. You only assume that ’cause that’s how things work in your twisted view of the world. He warned me ’cause that’s what decent people do. And even with all his reservations about you, he still cares, Loki. He was right, you know. He told me you only look out for yourself, and he was right. Well, now you don’t have to worry about pretending to care about anyone else. As soon as the trains start working again, I’m gone, and you’ll have to find someone else to drag into this mess.”

“And what a truly pathetic mess it is,” he said with a sneer. “Congratulations, Jane, on your well-earned success. If your aim was to lower my opinion of you, you’ve done remarkably well. Perhaps you and Thor weren’t as ill-matched as I’d been led to believe, after all.”

And with that, he left her standing there under the tree, her eyes unseeing, her breaths uneven.

The festivities carried on around her. Merry screams and carefree laughs funneled their way into her ears through a filter. But she paid them no mind.

She paid mind only to the heavy thumping in her chest, the only reminder that she was still in the world of the living. It beat away until she thought she could feel a small tear, a tiny perforation mitigated only slightly by the dullness of her senses.

What a fool she was.


	5. Chapter 5

Jane woke up on Christmas Eve with a heavy heart. She lay unmoving in the silence, warmed by the thick covers. The room was cast in a dull gray.

She’d woken from a dream, now but a vague recollection of her thoughts as was the way of dreams. But she could recall Loki. She remembered with vivid longing the feeling she could only describe as quiet, deep-seated joy as he’d smiled down at her in the way only he could, his eyes soft and kind even in that conjured reality.

They were holding hands. He was wearing curious, unfamiliar garb—black, green, and gold, perhaps. He looked very much the same as he did in waking life, except older somehow, otherworldly. She hadn’t seen what she wore but she knew it was similar to Loki’s, belonging to that same unknown place. Laughing, she’d turned her gaze up at him and in that moment, she’d understood what so many around the world sought with all their being.

It had felt so real, so beyond what she usually experienced during a typical night’s sleep. Like a past life edging its way into her memory, or a vision of what might have laid ahead. She’d felt it in her bones, and all that was left was a distinct sense of bereavement and a deep yearning for that elusive reality. It was a sharp pain of something slipping through her fingers, something hard to describe and harder still to lose.

But it was just a dream.

It took her another half hour to get out of bed. Echoes of the strange vision floated away like wisps as she rose and got ready for the day. When she made it down to the kitchen, she was met with the mouthwatering smell of bacon. She looked down at the counter. A full breakfast had been laid out.

“Help yourself.”

Loki.

She turned to find him in the breakfast room off of the kitchen. He sat at the table, tablet in hand. He didn’t look at her.

Usually, her pride wouldn’t have permitted her to help herself to something of his making, but the food smelled so good and she didn’t feel comfortable enough to dig into their food supply in order to scrap something together herself.

She stood, indecisive. Across the distance, his attention remained on the tablet in front of him or, at the very least, that’s how it appeared to be.

She felt resigned, in more ways than one.

Finally, she grabbed a plate and filled it up. Afterward, there was a brief moment in which she debated on where to sit. Loki made the decision for her.

She heard the distinct sound of a chair being pushed back. Then Loki was entering the kitchen with a small empty plate and mug in hand. Without sparing a glance at her, he placed them in the sink and drew his eyes up to the window positioned above.

“Looks like my mother’s going to get her wish for a white Christmas, after all.” Then he turned and left without another word.

Jane moved to the breakfast room and finished her meal in solitude.

A good chunk of the early afternoon was spent in her room. Lounging on the bed, she reviewed the classes she was set to take next semester and watched a movie on her laptop. At some point, her phone rang and she picked up.

“Hey, Darce,” she said as she flipped through her magazine.

“Jane, what up?” Darcy’s voice was barely heard amid the high-pitched yelling in the background.

“What’s going on?”

“Sorry, my little cousins are fighting over their Lego action figures. I’m watching them while their dad makes them food. Hey, give it to your sister, Brianna, you’ve been hogging it for the past two hours. Oh, but wipe it off first—don’t think I didn’t see you putting your slobber all over it earlier.”

“Full house again?”

“Less so than last year, but yup.”

“Is it snowing over there?”

“Ugh, more like raining. Nothing worth posting. How ’bout you guys?”

“It’s pretty much a snowstorm, but there’s kind of a lull right now.”

“No fair. Can you send some over here?”

“Sure, just let me get my quantum teleportation device real quick.”

“You think you could really make one of those one day? It’d kinda be a lifesaver.”

“I’ll save the prototype just for you.”

“Sorry, dude, but I think I’d rather wait till the perfected model comes out. I’m not trying to have my foot end up where my liver is. So how’s it hangin’ over there? Everything still gravy at la casa Odinson? Tell me everything since we last talked. I’m in dire need of a distraction.”

“Oh. Everything’s fine.”

“Thor there yet? Still lookin’ like a million bucks?”

“Yup, he’s here.”

“Has it been weird?”

“Hm?”

“Like, with you and Thor and Loki. Has it been weird between you guys?”

“Oh, um, no.”

For a while, the only answer she got on the other end was the bickering of the little girls.

“Jane. Be straight with me. I’m your friend.”

She didn’t want to talk about it. Talking about it would have made it realer than it already was.

“I mean, last I heard, you and Loki were swapping spit—which I still can’t believe, by the way. But I totally called it, didn’t I? Boy’s got it bad for you.”

Jane remained silent.

“Jane? Can you hear me?”

“Yeah, I’m here.”

“Is something wrong?”

She let out a long, inaudible breath. “You might wanna retract your previous statement.”

“What?”

“Loki. He doesn’t like me. He doesn’t have any interest in me beyond what I am—was—to Thor.”

“Wait, what are you talking about?”

“It was all a game, Darcy. He just wanted to use me to get back at Thor. He was using me and manipulating me and I don’t even know how far it might’ve gone. Maybe we would’ve even…and then…” She gulped. “And then he would’ve just kicked me to the curb.”

There was a long pause. “Holy shit. You’re kidding. Jane, are you sure?”

“Look, I don’t even wanna rehash this. I’ve already been through it with both of them and I’m done. I’m just waiting till I can go back to campus and forget he even exists.”

“But…I get Loki can be an ass sometimes, but I swear, Jane, I…could’ve sworn he liked you.”

“Please, Darcy, don’t defend him.”

“I’m not defending him, Jane, I’m totally on your side, and if he really is just using you, I promise to get on the next flight and come over to personally put his balls in a blender. But you told me about your kiss at the party, right? And how he was jealous that Evan flirted with you?”

“He wasn’t jealous, he was just pretending.”

“But what could he have gained from pretending something like that?”

“He needed me to like him, choose him over Evan.”

“I don’t know…”

“Well, I do.”

“How did you find out?”

“It was actually when I talked to Thor. He showed up at Loki’s bedroom door and saw us basically holding hands. Doesn’t really sound like a big deal, right? But it was enough to let him know there’s something going on between me and Loki. Then we went to the symphony and I confronted Thor about it and he told me Loki was just trying to take what was his to prove he was better at it.”

“Jane, you’re an idiot. You’re listening to Thor? Of course he’s gonna say that. He used to date you.”

“He’s Loki’s brother. Who knows him better?”

“Just ’cause he’s family doesn’t mean anything. We’re all biased when it comes to family. He was probably seeing what he wanted to see. But did Loki ever admit it himself?”

Jane gritted her teeth. “Sort of.”

“Sort of? Come on.”

“Ok, not really. Happy? But we got in this big argument and he tried to convince me that he was being genuine with some half-baked thing about being stingy with his affections. Then he told me he thought even less of me. Whatever.”

“You think he might’ve just said that ’cause he was hurt?”

Jane paused.

“He could’ve just been trying to hurt you back. If he really liked you and you accused him of all those things, he could’ve just been trying to make it seem like he didn’t care.”

She wasn’t sure what to say to that.

“You like him, right?” When she didn’t get an answer, she said, “Can I take that as a yes? Listen, if you want my unsolicited advice, I think what you two really need is to sit down and talk. For real this time. No more misunderstandings. Ugh, hold on, Brianna’s got her sticky hands stuck in her sister’s hair. I’m still here.” There was a shuffling sound on her end.

“No, it’s fine, I gotta go anyway.”

“No, wait, Jane—”

“Really, it’s ok, Darcy. You go and take care of your cousin’s hair.”

“You sure?”

She nodded, then had to conjure up the energy to voice her affirmation. “Yeah.”

“Ok…hope things work out, Jane.”

 _Me, too_ , she almost wanted to say. “Bye, Darce.”

“Bye!”

Jane heard more cries on the other end before she pressed the button to end the call. She leaned her head back on the wall.

Some time later, a light knock at the door drew her from her reverie.

“Jane?”

At Frigga’s voice, Jane tossed the forgotten magazine off of her lap and went to the door.

“Hello, dear,” said Frigga.

“Hi,” Jane said lightly.

“I hope I haven’t interrupted anything.”

“No, not at all, I was just…” She trailed off, gesturing behind her.

“In that case, I have a small favor to ask of you. Do you enjoy baking?”

Jane grimaced slightly. “Where would you draw the line between ‘enjoying’ and ‘being good at’?”

Frigga chuckled. “It’s no worry, Jane. You see, I’ve invited over a couple of the other trustees from the foundation and since I’ve sent Diana, our chef, home until after the new year, I’ve taken it upon myself to bake some treats for their visit. What say you come down and offer a helping hand?”

“Sure, I’d be glad to. But if I may, I think I should warn you now that things like to burn in my presence. I don’t even have to do anything; they just burn if I’m in the same room.”

Frigga offered a lighthearted laugh and laid a hand on Jane’s back as they crossed the hall. “As a matter of fact, that’s actually how Marcie prefers her baked goods.”

Jane’s eyes bugged out. “Marcie…?”

“Yes, formally known as Marcia L. Hernandez. You follow her?”

“Uh, just a bit.” More than anything, she was surprised and intimidated to hear another well-known business magnate would soon be under the same roof as her. “I didn’t know she was on your board of trustees.”

“Oh, yes. Marcie has a wide variety of interests and quite a large heart to go with it, though that certainly didn’t stop her from making a name for herself these past couple of decades.”

As they made it down the stairs, Jane marveled at the fact that their family kept the company of such powerful and influential people, though it should have come as no surprise considering their own wealth. Just another reminder of how out of her depth she was.

They turned the corner for the kitchen and Jane all but halted in her tracks. Facing them at the island stood Loki, wearing a gray apron as he measured out the powdered ingredients. His eyes flickered up and landed on hers for a brief moment.

“This one kindly offered to help as well,” said Frigga as she swept past Jane to get to her station, tying on her own apron.

“Once again, you’ve proved to use the word ‘offer’ a little too liberally,” he said.

“Would you like an apron, Jane?” asked Frigga.

She just barely had the presence of mind to shake her head. “No, I’m fine, thank you.”

“I’ve laid out the ingredients and the recipe over there next to Loki. Don’t be shy.”

Neither openly paid her any mind as she took tentative steps toward the island, stopping when she landed diagonally opposite Loki. She snuck a glance to find his eyes on the task in front of him. She pulled the handwritten recipe below her closer.

She eyed the measuring cup. “Are you using that?”

“No.”

Without another word, she pulled it closer and poured the directed amount of flour into it.

“Hard to believe the end of the year is nearly upon us, isn’t it?” Frigga said as she worked. “Just yesterday it was January.”

“I know,” Jane offered uselessly.

“How do you usually like to spend New Year’s Eve, Jane?”

“Oh, I don’t really have a set way.” _Besides lounging around alone in my pajamas._ “Whatever comes up, I guess. Back home I’d sometimes go downtown and watch the giant marshmallow drop. It was our version of a ball.”

She laughed. “Sounds lovely. Well, I hope you’re not averse to large gatherings of strange people. We’ll be throwing a New Year’s Eve party.”

“Oh.”

“I’d have liked for it to be out back, but the snow is nowhere near letting up and I don’t want our poor guests to freeze.”

“Though I’m sure there are one or two folks among said guests who could stand to learn something from enduring such a punishment,” Loki muttered.

“Loki. I think it’ll be a fun evening.”

Jane was curious as to whether or not Loki already had plans for that night. New Year’s Eve had never come up between them, so it was possible he and Thor were going to be off at other places, leaving her alone to mingle with a bunch of strangers who had more money than they knew what to do with. Although it wouldn’t really have made a difference if Loki was there or not, a part of her hoped at least Thor would be present for the sake of having a familiar face around while Frigga and Odin went around doing their duty as hosts.

Then again, she might’ve been gone before the new year even came around.

She and Frigga chatted as the three of them assembled the treats, with Loki occasionally chiming in with some sarcastic remark. When they were ready to slide the desserts into the double ovens, Loki swiftly undid the knot on his apron.

“I’m going out. Don’t know when I’ll be back.” He set the apron down on the counter and walked out.

Both Frigga and Jane watched him go, though Jane tried to be more discreet about it.

“Half the time I haven’t a clue what that boy’s up to,” his mother said as she grabbed the used bowls.

Silently, Jane moved to help clean up.

“He’s always been a secretive person by nature. He guards his emotions carefully. Thor, on the other hand, is brash and prone to recklessness. When he feels something, he usually lets it be known. Sometimes it amazes me how different the two are.”

Jane was wiping down the counters when Frigga spoke again.

“Has something occurred between you and Loki, Jane?”

She paused in her work. “Sorry?”

“Have you and Loki gotten into a fight? Has he done something?”

_Where do I begin?_

She resumed her task but remained silent, painfully unaware of how to respond.

Frigga continued moving about the kitchen. “You know, in all his years of schooling, excluding his childhood, he’s never brought anyone home for any reason, male or female, friend or otherwise. It was never an expectation or fair likelihood with him. You’re the first, you know. So you can imagine my surprise when he told me you’d be staying with us. Well, I say ‘surprise.’ But I suppose it really wasn’t, considering the way you’ve come up in conversation more times than I care to admit, Jane. Quite curious, isn’t it? Loki making some offhanded remark about you and Thor, alluding to your interest in the stars when I’d catch him outside in an idle moment. Seems very unlike him. Which is why I feel compelled to say what I’m about to say.”

Jane had completely ceased her work by then, instead carefully watching Frigga, who’d taken to the sink to scrub the dishes clean.

“I didn’t know you when you and Thor were dating, so I’m unable to comment about that relationship, but I know you now. And I know you make my son happy. Loki, my other son. I love both of them dearly and only want the best for them, and that, least of all, includes who they find happiness with. You seem like you’ve got a good head on your shoulders. What happened between you and Thor is your business, and I’ll choose to believe it’s with careful judgment that you and Loki have found yourselves in whatever predicament it is you’re in. All the same, I do understand how the heart doesn’t always listen to reason. Things began much the same way with me and Odin. But whatever’s come to pass between you and Loki, I trust you and he will make things right. Now, dear, could you pass me that bowl next to you, please?”

With her motor skills on delay, she carried the aforementioned bowl and pastry spatula over to Frigga.

The afternoon passed with Jane in a haze, till afternoon turned to evening and evening to night. She was able to meet the other trustees in a brief encounter when she came down to grab a drink, shaking their hands in slight awe and making small talk. Then she spent the rest of the night splayed out on her bed, all of a sudden restless. Christmas would be upon them in a matter of hours and she was itching to get out of the house. She decided a late night walk was in order.

A short time later, she was walking through the gated community, her gloved fists jammed into the pockets of her jacket. Making a game of kicking the snow in her path, she wandered aimlessly, passing acres of mansions with their holiday decorations shining in the night, meant to instill cheer.

Most of the anger had been drained from her, and all she’d been left with was a weary passivity that consumed less of her energy.

The universe seemed to be trying to tell her something. With both Darcy and Frigga offering their views on the mess between her and Loki, Jane was forced to consider their words. It should’ve come as a bigger surprise that Frigga had suspected something between her and Loki all along, but it didn’t.

She craned her neck to look up at the night sky littered with innumerable stars. The universe could be a real asshole sometimes.

Loki had raised the question of whether or not his touches, his kisses—she gulped as she recalled the ferocity in his eyes when he’d said that—weren’t a product of any scheme on his part but rather an authentic expression of his feelings. A question that had largely gone unanswered. There had been no room in her mind for everything he’d thrown at her, no time to process everything and immediately dish it back. She’d said most of what she wanted to say, and anything else that later came to mind would have to go unsaid.

But as she walked alone, Jane’s mind flitted back to the entire past semester unbidden. Every word, spoken and unspoken, every glance, every touch.

Then, unceremoniously, with the mundaneness of deciding what to eat for dinner, she was hit with a single stream of thoughts.

Loki hadn’t displayed any different behavior around her when Thor came home. He hadn’t paraded her around, laying on extra kisses in the company of his brother. He hadn’t said a word, offered a smug look, never so much as hinted that there was something beyond friendship between them before Thor showed up at his door.

For a person trying to get back at his brother with the girl he used to date, he’d been awfully patient in showcasing his victory.

And she remembered the dream. The dream she’d had just that morning. How dreams like that were hard to come by, how that peculiar feeling she’d experienced clung to her, even then. It might have meant nothing. It probably meant nothing. She knew better than to search for any sort of rationality in whatever her unconscious mind deemed fit to conjure up. But perhaps it was something in the air that snowy Christmas Eve night that willed her to suspend her disbelief and return to what Loki had once said she exuded.

She had long since stopped walking. When she found the presence of mind to look up, she saw she was in the middle of the sidewalk, the colorful string lights of the giant home before her reflecting in her eyes.

With hurried steps, she turned back for the manor.

She wasn’t even sure what she was going to do, but she was more restless than ever. When she made it back, she gently shut the front door behind her and took off her boots. She was hanging her coat and scarf on the rack when a small movement from the side caught her attention. Across the distance, she could see the shadows of a crackling fire dancing across the wall, hinting at the occupied space ahead. She slowly drew closer, the warm glow becoming more pronounced as she neared. She turned the corner and in the living room, leaned against the sofa cushions with his sock-clad feet perched next to a mug on the ottoman, his back to her, was Loki.

Fleetingly, she supposed the universe wasn’t all bad.

Silently, she made her way over to him. With not even the television turned on, the only sound in the room was the crackling of the fire. She stopped near the large illuminated Christmas tree, just at the edge of his vision. He promptly turned his head to see who’d approached.

Neither said a word as she moved tentatively to settle into one of the armchairs diagonal from him. She was aware he watched her, taking in her every move.

“Hi.” Though she said it softly, her voice rang out like tiny tinned bells, disrupting the hushed stillness of the room.

He let out a heavy breath through his nose and shifted in his seat, crossing his arms.

“I’ve been pretty stupid. We both have.”

He simply arched an eyebrow.

“I don’t really know what to make of you, Loki.” She looked down at her hands. “I think you scare me.”

“You wouldn’t be the first.”

“I guess I just didn’t know how to deal with this whole situation, so I was willing to believe the worst.” It was silent before she continued. “You said you intended on telling your mom where we stood. Were you lying?”

He met her eye for a long moment. Then, he said, “No.”

“And you said we had plenty of time to figure out this thing between us. Is that still true?”

He looked away. “Undecided.”

At that, she too lowered her gaze. Trying for a steady voice, she asked, “Is it too late?”

“I’m not sure.”

Biting the inside of her lip, Jane nodded gently, resigned. Her eyes shined ever so slightly. “I’m sorry for what I said.” She watched as his chest rose with his large intake of breath.

“As am I.”

“Do you think we could go back to not hating each other? It’s kind of exhausting.”

His shrewd gaze fixed her in her spot. “I never hated you, Jane.”

She didn’t offer a response. She glanced off to the side at the Christmas tree. “Wait. I’ll be back in a second. Please, just—wait here.”

She rose from the chair and swiftly left the living room, climbed the stairs, and made the way to her room. When she came back down, she was relieved to find Loki still in his previous position on the sofa. She moved past him to place the handful of gift bags and wrapped presents under the tree to join the myriad of other gifts.

“I forgot to put them there.”

“That was unnecessary.”

“No, it really wasn’t.” She settled back into the chair. “Look, don’t hate Thor for what he did. He was just looking out for me.”

“Ever the noble one.”

“You can be, too.”

“Don’t insult my intelligence by patronizing me, Jane.”

“I’m not. I’m saying you don’t have to be so willfully different from him all the time just to prove a point. I—” _I like_ you _, Loki._

When she didn’t continue, he said, “It sure is fascinating watching you try to figure me out, Jane. Like I’m a riddle itching to be solved.”

“I don’t see this as a game. You’re not a cut and dried object to be figured out. I just want you to know…I can be here. If you ever, you know, need someone for whatever reason. I could be a friend.”

Because in that moment, that was all she could see for them. He was done chasing her, and if she were to chase him, after that unwelcome turn of events, she only would’ve been burnt, and then she would have to let go of him for good.

He let out a clipped, cynical chuckle, his lips not even moving. “A friend. Indeed.”

Jane moved her attention to the large grandfather clock against the wall. It was seven minutes past midnight. “It’s Christmas.” She turned to Loki. “Merry Christmas.”

He was subtle about it, but she could see how he searched for something in her eyes. “Merry Christmas.”

Later, when she lay sleeping in bed, she dreamed of a parallel world where she and Loki threw caution to the wind.


	6. Chapter 6

Christmas morning saw Jane well rested. When she woke, she let out a contented yawn as her limbs gradually came back to life with a blissful, drawn out stretch. She hovered on the border between sleep and wakefulness for several more minutes, unwilling to leave the warm comfort of the bed.

Her spirits were significantly higher than they had been in days. Though she wasn’t sure how long it would take for things between her and Loki to return to normal, she took comfort in that the holiday was no longer going to be marred by their conflict, that their interactions were no longer going to be as colored with underlying tension. She was hopeful that they could return to a good place. Padding over to the window in fuzzy slippers, she drew back the curtains. The back of the property seemed to extend even farther with the way the fresh blanket of snow covered the ground.

After brushing her teeth and rinsing her face, Jane threw on a sweater she’d bought on a whim that featured a pug in a Santa hat. When she ventured downstairs with the intention of grabbing something to drink, she heard voices coming from the living room. Frigga and Odin. She carried on her way to the kitchen. As she poured juice into her glass, another figure entered. She and Loki stared at each other for an indeterminable amount of time.

“Morning,” he said, breezing past her.

“Morning.” She held up the carafe. “Orange juice?”

He pulled out the coffee pot and emptied the remainder of its contents into a mug. “Coffee.”

As she turned to place the juice back in the fridge, she allowed herself a quick look over his figure. He wore a long shawl cardigan and slim sweatpants, his hair lightly tousled. He looked more casual than she’d ever seen him. It was incredibly endearing.

“Am I to be gifted with your leisurely stares this holiday season?”

She closed the refrigerator in a flurry and turned away in embarrassment. “Merry Christmas,” was all she could think to say as she wandered out of the kitchen and out of his view.

When he later entered the living room, she was already there with Frigga and Odin, both robed as the former picked at decorations on the tree and the latter was settled in the armchair with what must have been the other day’s paper.

“Merry Christmas, Loki,” Frigga said with exuberance.

“And to you, mother,” he said as he moved to take a seat on the arm of the sofa where Jane sat.

“Merry Christmas, my boy,” said Odin. The corner of Loki’s lips quirked in a parody of a half-smile before he offered his father a nod.

“I must say, I’m looking forward to seeing what everyone received,” Frigga said. “I saw you brought your own, Jane. You really needn’t have done that.”

“It’s the least I could do as a thank you for letting me stay in your home.”

“Where is Thor?” Odin said, glancing up from his paper. “He’d best come down soon or we shall start without him.”

“Haven’t you and mother always taught us the virtue of patience?” Thor’s normally booming voice was slightly subdued due to morning. Carrying a plate of glazed crullers, he came in yawning and stretching in his sleeping pants and unzipped hoodie. “Merry Christmas, everyone. I’m here, I’m awake, I’m ready.” He clapped his father on the shoulder before moving to envelop his mother in a one-armed hug. Then, with a smile and gentle squeeze to Jane’s shoulder, he plopped onto the other sofa. She didn’t miss the way he and Loki only briefly locked eyes.

After some chit-chat, they moved onto opening the presents, and as Frigga was already stood, she was the one to start. She unwrapped the presents delicately and fawned appropriately over each one. After gifts among the family were exchanged, they moved onto those given by Jane.

“I had been meaning to pick up a copy of this myself,” Frigga told her as she looked over the cookbook. “Now it looks like I won’t have to. And these bookends are simply adorable. Thank you ever so much, Jane.”

Jane smiled shyly. She was nearly drowning in feelings of inadequacy over her gifts. What did you get for the parents of the son you used to date and the son you were in a sort of limbo with? What did you get for those sons? It also didn’t help that she’d been working on a budget when she bought the gifts, using some of the money saved up from her work-study job on campus.

Odin was appropriately grateful for the chocolates, candles, and paperweights, supplying Jane with a simple “thank you.” Thor hugged Jane for the elaborate docking station he received, telling her it would help immensely with organizing his desk. Then it came time for Loki to open his gift, and he plucked the tissue paper out of the bag and pulled out a bundle of books of various sizes tied together with a red ribbon. Some looked good as new, while others were worn at the edges, their spines indicating a healthy amount of use.

“You never know what you’ll find at the thrift store,” Jane said as she attempted a casual shrug, plagued with worry that he might find insult in receiving something from there. “Even found some Kant for you.”

Loki examined the aforementioned book. “ _The Metaphysics of Morals_. It’s been a while since I’ve read this.”

“There’s another one in there.” She looked to the gift bag. He dug a hand in and pulled out a larger, hardcover book.

“What is it?” asked Frigga.

“ _This Book is a Planetarium_.” He examined the book with a hint of mirth.

“Ok, technically, it’s a children’s book, but it can be enjoyed by people of all ages,” Jane defended. “It’s six things in one—a planetarium, firstly, and as you can see, a speaker, a spiralgraph, a decoder ring, a perpetual calendar, and a musical instrument. All pop-up.”

“A musical instrument?” said Frigga.

“Yeah, sort of like in elementary school when we took empty tissue boxes and put rubber bands over them so we could pluck at them.” Now, faced with Loki’s scrutiny in front of the whole family, Jane was unsure of that particular choice. “I know it’s a little silly, but I just thought it was pretty neat.”

Loki turned to her and she suddenly felt as though the rest of the world was blocked out with the way the edges of her vision blurred to focus only on him. “I suppose one’s never too old to find fascination with the natural wonders of the universe.”

In turn, she looked away, and then it was her turn to open presents. She received an essential oils diffuser from Thor, and from Frigga and Odin, among smaller knick knacks, she received a wooden fractal puzzle. Then she was unwrapping her present from Loki, and when she was met with a glossy, white unmarked box, she opened it up and, with great care, pulled out a prism. Its shape was like a gigantic egg that had been meticulously smithed into a pointed vessel with four long sides to it and four smaller panes leading down to the square pedestal on which it sat. From the top point to the base, each face was illustrated with translucent and symmetrical geometric designs. It felt hefty and sturdy, and the designs that looked like stained glass could have made her think she held the entire universe in her hands.

“A lamp is all it is. Handcrafted,” Loki said.

“It’s beautiful,” Jane said distantly, turning it every which way.

After more time congregated together in the large cozy room, everyone naturally dispersed, and Jane packed her gifts into their respective bags and brought them up to her room. She was setting them down by the desk when there was a knock at the door. She froze when she opened it up and found Loki on the other side, standing with clasped wrists behind his back. The last thing she had expected was for him to seek her out.

“Jane.”

“What are you doing here?” was the only thing she could think to say.

“Funny enough, I live here.”

“Um…did you need something?”

“‘Need’ is a strong word. I’d imagined you might invite me in.”

She was about to make a quip about him being a vampire if he was looking to be invited in before she swallowed it down. Their truce was still new and she wanted to test the waters before dipping in. Stepping aside, she said, “Well, come in then,” and left the door ajar after him. She turned to find him coming to a stop at the window, gazing out at the pervasive whiteness. Unsure of what to do, she decided on sitting at the end of the bed.

“Today should be the last of the snowfall for a while,” he murmured. Her nod went unseen by him. “It won’t be long before the trains resume their schedule.”

Her heart sunk. He still believed she would be gone as soon as they did. “I guess so. Makes no difference, though.” She sneaked a glance but couldn’t decipher his body language as he remained like a statue at the window. “It’s not like I’ll be leaving anytime soon.”

For a while, she was convinced he didn’t hear her.

“You’re not.” A question.

“Trains don’t run on Christmas anyway. So even if I wanted to leave, I couldn’t. Not today.” Then she was struck with a thought. “Did you come here to say goodbye?”

He hummed deep in his throat. “Clearly the idleness between semesters has had harmful side effects if I’m that transparent to you,” and she saw right through his thinly veiled sarcasm.

“Doesn’t matter anyway. Looks like you’re still stuck with me.”

At last, he turned. Leaning a shoulder against the windowpane, he said, “And what brought on this sudden change of heart?”

She gave him a pointed look. “Well, we’re…things are okay now, right? I don’t have a reason to run?”

“The answer to such, I’m afraid, has always been up to you.”

“And going back to an empty campus is a little depressing.”

“I’m sure that’ll be a shining endorsement in the next brochure. ‘The Odinsons: slightly more tolerable than a depressing university campus.’”

Jane was unable to bite back a smile. “Was the book stupid? The planetarium? I can’t imagine a guy like you’d be happy receiving something mainly targeted to children. I mean, I hear some of them eat their own boogers.”

A breathy laugh fell from Loki’s lips as he shook his head, the corners of his eyes crinkling. “Have some tact, Jane. Those might be a delicacy somewhere in the world.” Wetting his lips, he added, “You can sleep well. I could’ve received something far worse.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“You can interpret that however you like. My statement still holds true.”

“Have you always been this cryptic?”

“Much of what we gather in our experience of life is found between the lines. It’s not my fault some people fail to see the spectrum.”

“And charmingly humble, I see.”

“And yet you choose to stay.” He said this teasingly, but it only reminded her of what she wouldn’t allow herself to have. It was true she chose to stay, because now that she didn’t have her blinders on, something in her balked at the thought of leaving him. There was a high chance she wouldn’t see him around next semester, and so she had to take what she could get.

“Who said I’m staying for you?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, were you not planning on leaving precisely because of me?”

She bit the inside of her cheek, unable to offer a retort.

“I’m afraid I’ll be requesting your guidance with the book at some point, if you can bear it. I never professed to be as adept at certain branches of science as you are. See? I can be humble.”

Jane gave him a poor excuse for a smile and watched as he moved to the bags by the desk. He pulled out the puzzle his parents had gifted her.

“I’ve no plans today. How about you?”

“You want to do the puzzle?”

“What gave it away?”

She rolled her eyes and stood, taking the box off his hands. “Let’s go down to the library.”

A chunk of late morning was spent working on the fractal puzzle next to the roaring fireplace in the library, whose built-in shelves lined with books from floor to ceiling provided shelter and comfort. They ventured out into the snow for some fresh air, and they played a game of billiards down in the game room. The day passed at a leisurely pace and Jane relished it. She was used to being on the go, always finishing up one thing before moving on to the next. Most of the time, she thrived on that familiar, frazzled feeling. But she found being with Loki, in the unique bubble of holiday bliss, filled her with a different kind of comfort, one that could both set her heart pounding and warm her to her toes, one she was loath to part with come the new school term.

Eventually the sun disappeared over the horizon and Christmas dinner awaited at the table. In a rare display, as told by Frigga, the whole family, with the help of Jane, had joined together in the kitchen to help prepare the meal. Fandral and Sif had also arrived at some point, and they joined everyone else as they all gathered around the long dining table where a warm, sumptuous meal was laid out.

“Many thanks for having us,” said Fandral as he was passed the dish of green beans. “It’s been a moment since we last came.”

“We wouldn’t have it any other way,” Frigga said. “The boys’ friends are always welcome here.”

“How did you find your stay in French Polynesia?” asked Odin. “I understand you spent a significant amount of time there.”

“We did,” said Sif, “and it was quite an experience. It’s astonishing how much beauty the world has to offer.”

“Good beaches, good food,” Thor added. “And the people were amazing.”

She nodded. “We stayed with a friend’s uncle who was born and raised in Mo’orea, so we were really able to immerse ourselves. He took us all around the archipelago.”

Fandral chimed in, “I daresay I’ve conditioned my skin long by now to tan instead of burn. Or at least burn, peel, then tan.” He was met with several chuckles.

Thor teased, “You stick out like a sore thumb wherever we go with that hideous mustache of yours.”

Fandral stroked the blond handlebar mustache above his lip. “Hey now, I’ll have you know I’ve received many compliments on this.”

“And if you haven’t noticed, they’ve all been from people with the exact same mustache,” Sif said, to which she was met with laughter.

“Ha ha, bask in your laughter now, but remember me when this trend comes back in full gear and every other man, young and old, is sporting a similar style.”

“Fandral is very sensitive about his appearance,” said Thor.

“There is a difference between self-care and vanity.”

“And you toe the line very delicately, my friend.” Sif patted his shoulder.

“I’m not sure how I feel about arriving unwittingly to my own personal roast,” he said. “So, Loki. We haven’t chatted in a while. What mischief have you been up to? Still fighting the ladies off with a stick?” At that, Jane lowered her gaze to her plate.

“I see you’re as ill-informed as ever.”

“Oof. Come now, Loki. You’re almost done with school. What’s next for someone with as cunning a mind as yours?”

When Jane turned to look at him, she could detect from the slight stiffness of his shoulders that he was uncomfortable with the topic, likely due to the present company. “We shall see, won’t we? After all, one of the signs of a cunning mind is the ability to adapt.” His retort was meant to come off as indifferent, glib. It was also a means to end the conversation and direct it elsewhere.

“Last I heard, you were studying philosophy. Impressive, truly, Loki, especially at a school of such prestige. Were you planning on using that toward your higher studies before joining Gard International? I can see how it’d be quite beneficial.” The table turned quiet. Fandral looked on with his glass raised halfway to his lips. “Did I say something?”

Jane’s eyes darted up and found Odin’s hawk-like gaze trained on Loki from the end of the table.

“Evidently, you have said something,” Loki said in a grudging, resigned tone, a halfhearted attempt to keep things from veering into unwanted territory.

“He is merely assuming what was always to take place,” Odin said.

“Let’s not do this tonight.” Frigga’s tight expression contained carefully controlled impatience.

“What was always to take place?” said Loki. “Surely, then, it must be nepotism that has pervaded humanity since the dawn of civilization. I never doubted it, but now it’s crystal clear. Awarding stations to people who possess either no merit or no interest.”

“Are you foolish, boy? For millennia, kingdoms have thrived on their bloodlines, dynasties have risen from nothing.”

“And just as many have crumbled into such.”

“Loki,” said Frigga.

“You think you know of what you speak, but you lack experience in these matters,” Odin barreled on. “I never thought you so naive, however. It is the way of the world. As you grow older, you too will see that what must be done shall be done, regardless of the opining of others, for the sake of your charge, your duty.”

Across the table, Thor opened his mouth to speak when Loki cut him off.

“Now I fully understand how spineless you believe me to be, how lowly you must think of me. I’m not some bleary-eyed colt who’s just fallen into the world, and you’ll find yourself sorely disappointed if you entertain for one second the thought that I’d step foot into that company based purely on the fact that I’m your relation in name. I’d excel—there’s no doubt—but I’ll earn what’s mine.”

“What’s yours?” Odin’s face was dangerously close to the color of a tomato as he jabbed a finger at the table. “What’s yours? Everything you have is because of me, because of your mother. You speak of what’s yours, yet you forget so easily who made it so that you may live the way you do.”

“Odin.” Frigga herself appeared to be on the brink of something Jane had never expected to witness in her.

Loki’s response was matter-of-fact. “The cycle of life. The burden of parenthood, and that’s no fault of my own.”

“Loki,” Frigga spoke up again, this time with not a little hurt in her voice.

“You’ve been given the best of everything, the best education,” said Odin. “You have a lucrative opportunity at your fingertips that many strive for and you choose to deny it out of spite. You refuse to see how you might put that sharp tongue of yours to good use and make a name for yourself.”

“As though that were the only way to do so. Make no mistake. I’ll be cold and dead before I ever take root in that company.”

“You ungrateful boy! You disgrace the Odinson name.”

“At last, you’ve said it loud and clear.”

“Odin. Kitchen. _Now_.” Frigga’s tone, fierce as it was, brooked no argument. She set her napkin on the table and pushed her chair back, turning in the opposite direction. Jane looked on with wide eyes as Odin stood in righteous indignation and followed her through the archway without another glance at the table.

Thor let out a weary sigh and tossed his napkin onto the table as he sat back in his chair, running a hand over his face. Meanwhile, Sif looked down at her plate in shock, and Fandral closed his gaping mouth, a grimace falling over his face.

“Well. I am terribly sorry about that.”

For a while, the group at the table was unsure of how to proceed. The only sounds were of clinking silverware as some of them carefully resumed their meal. Jane glanced every now and then at Loki, who sat beside her with a blank expression on his face as he raised his glass to his lips. She had to give it to him. If it were her, she would have been gone from the table long ago. She glanced at the others who pretended not to notice her glancing at Loki.

Then Frigga was brushing in silently, Odin soon following. As she retook her seat, she gave everyone a tight smile that barely touched her cheeks. “Now, who’s ready for dessert?”

The rest of dinner was an awkward affair. Conversation was stilted, and pointedly devoid of the topic of school and work, and Jane didn’t miss how Loki and Odin’s eyes didn’t meet again.

After dinner, Jane retreated to her room. She’d watched from the table as Loki left the dining room without a sound, a calm, affected air to him. Presently, she remained by the closed bedroom door as she got her bearings. Her eyes flew unseeingly over the room and, by chance, they landed on the box containing Loki’s gift. When her vision came back into focus, she crossed the room and pulled out the lamp, setting it down on the bedside table and flicking the switch for the overhead light off. Then she plugged the cord into the outlet and marveled. The dark room was bathed in prisms of light, with all manners of colors dancing across the walls. From greens and pinks to purples and reds, the colors cut out in sharp patterns contorted the space around her, creating a wondrous, soothing effect. As she stood there, lost in her own personal galaxy, Jane was overcome with the need to go to Loki.

To her surprise, however, she ran into Thor on her way to the east wing.

“Thor.” She slowed to a stop in the hallway as they neared each other.

“Jane.” He furrowed his brow and looked from her to over his shoulder. “Were you going to see him?”

She suddenly felt as though she’d been caught doing something she shouldn’t have been doing. “Yes.”

Thor studied her obstinate expression for a second before asking, “Is everything…alright with you two?”

She supposed there was no better time to clear the air. Her tone wasn’t unkind when she told him, “You were wrong, Thor. It wasn’t some game. He actually liked me.” She looked down as she said the last part.

He was silent for a moment. “You’re certain of this? Not that I believe it impossible for someone to find interest in you, but—what I mean is, you’re certain?”

She nodded.

“Well. I don’t know what to say to that.”

“And now we’re…friends, I think.”

“And you’ve spoken to him about this?”

“It was clear enough. Maybe it would’ve never worked out anyway between…us.” Her conviction and thus her volume trailed off towards the end as she became distinctly aware of how she was currently speaking with her ex about how she’d been—was still—attracted to his brother.

For a long moment, Thor appeared to search for something in her eyes, making her fidget ever so slightly under his scrutiny. “If that’s what you’ve decided.”

She gave a pathetic shrug and nod.

“What a strange turn of events this has all been, hasn’t it? Especially after what happened at dinner.”

“That was something.” She shifted awkwardly on her feet, unsure of how to address the prior events.

“I’m just on my way to the game room with Sif and Fandral,” he said when neither made another move to speak. “You’re welcome to join us.”

“Sure, maybe.”

“But first you must speak with Loki.” It wasn’t a command, but a statement that sounded like a resignation as the set of his lips tightened in an odd show of mild defeat. He brushed past her and was several feet down the hall when Jane turned.

“Thor, wait.” When he stopped and turned himself, she continued without thinking, “Don’t hate Loki. Not for this. I just—I’d really hate to be the one who caused an even bigger rift between you. God, is that an egotistical thing to say? But you know what I mean, right? I don’t resent you for believing what you did, but I also hope this doesn’t turn into another source of contention between you two.”

He arched a curious brow and she had the sense that she was out of the loop on something. “Loki and I have always been at odds. But rest assured, Jane, we do have our moments of kinship.”

She gestured more wildly with her hands than she would have liked to. “Yeah, I’m sure—I mean, I never had any siblings, so I don’t—I’m sure you’re right.” By the end, she’d settled on folding her arms in on herself, and whether it was more to keep them from getting loose or to protect herself, she didn’t know.

His half-smile was wistful. “I suppose I was right then. It will do him some good to have you as a friend.” Then he was on his way, disappearing around the corner.

And as Jane turned for the other direction with a bemused look on her face, she supposed Loki wasn’t the only one in the family who knew how to be cryptic.

As she approached Loki’s door, she wavered. It was likely he wished to be alone, but something tugged at her heart when she thought of him spending the rest of what should have been a joyous evening ensconced from the rest of the house. Her knock was just shy of timid, and when the door opened, he seemed to know it would be her on the other side.

She gave a small rueful smile as she stared up at him. “Merry Christmas.”

He leaned on the doorframe and crossed his arms, unsmiling but not entirely closed off. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Just thought I’d come say hey. How’s it going?”

“It’s going.”

She pressed her lips together. “So, you going to invite me in or make me stand out here the whole time?”

“It’s a nice hallway.” Then he eased up off the frame and retreated inside. She took that as her cue to follow.

Looking around the lamplit room as he settled into a chair by the window, she crossed her arms and said, “I tried out that lamp you got me. It’s pretty cool.” The tiny quirk of his brow was the response she received. “Ok, a lot cool. The detail that must go into something like that is amazing.”

“I had a strange inkling you might appreciate it.”

She shrugged and took a seat on the bed. “Sometimes it’s the simple things that are the most eye-catching.”

He continued making a study of her from his casual position in his chair. “I went through your book. The planetarium.”

“And? You thought it was silly?”

A choppy breath filtered out through his nose, amusement lighting his face. “On the contrary. I found it quite charming. It has a…rudimentary element to it.”

“Hey, the very laws of nature and reality as we know it are based on what’s in that book.”

“I didn’t mean it as a slight, Jane. As you said in your own words, it’s the often overlooked fundamentals that are most deserving of wonder. When did you even have time to pick out everything?”

“I have been out of the house plenty, you know. I went into town sometime after I arrived and went shopping then.” She drew her attention to his comforter, picking at an imaginary loose thread, unsure how much longer she could dance around the subject she knew was on both their minds, however good he was at hiding it. She was surprised when he took matters into his own hands, his gaze steady.

“You needn’t have trekked all this way. It’s quite common, what occurred earlier. I assure you, Jane, I remain ever unscathed.”

With a profound, needling pain somewhere in her chest, she remembered the way his father had said he disgraced the Odinson name and Loki’s answering remark. _“At last, you’ve said it loud and clear.”_ So much weight behind those words, but she was reluctant to open that can of worms at the moment. She so badly wanted to ask him what was so wrong about needing someone every now and then. She knew he tended to be a bit of a lone wolf, same as her, but to deny another’s well-intentioned concern simply to protect his ego, to her, seemed foolish. But the words died on her lips as the thought came to her that sometimes, she could be guilty of the same.

“I didn’t realize you felt that way about it. That you rejected it out of nepotism.”

“Among a host of other reasons. The time to take the post would’ve been far enough into the future that perhaps I would’ve truly indeed been the most suited for it, true enough, but it makes no difference if I’ve no interest in it.”

“For what it’s worth, I think it’s pretty badass of you to stand up to your dad like that.” He raised a brow. “It can’t be easy defying his wishes.”

“I’m not sure anything I’ve done has ever been easy.”

“You sure make it look that way.”

“Conviction is typically what it requires.”

“Then you must have it in spades.”

He said nothing, rising slowly from his seat. She watched as he sauntered over to his walk-in closet, disappearing inside for a second or two before reemerging. Her eyes were fixed on the small wooden box in his hands as he approached, and when he held it out to her wordlessly, she took it automatically.

“What is it?” The box, made of what looked to be Ambrosia maple, was a nice muted brown with streaks of darker brown running across the length and, much to her surprise, engraved in the center of the lid in elegant, brown script was her first name. Her eyes flew up to Loki, whose own shined back at hers in the lamplight.

“I didn’t give it to you before. Also commissioned and handcrafted.”

She decided against questioning the first part of his statement, pulling up the lid instead. Inside were two compartments, one smaller than the other, both cushioned with thin black velvet. “Is it a jewelry box?”

“A holder for keepsakes, or mere decoration. It’s whatever you wish it to be.”

A smile slowly wound its way onto her lips. “How sentimental of you.”

“Not of me. I was merely doing what I thought best suited your sensibilities.”

“This is…wow,” she said as she ran a gentle hand over the closed lid, her fingers catching on her name. “You didn’t have to do this.”

“Am I to be consistently subjected to that sentence for as long as we shall know each other?”

“Well, yeah, if you keep doing things you don’t have to.”

“My existence is filled with things I don’t _have_ to do, but it would be terribly boring if I didn’t do the ones I wanted, wouldn’t it?”

She was powerless to stop the heavy flutter in her stomach. Suddenly shy, she found it difficult to meet his eye. When at last she looked up, she caught the slight movement of his hand, as though he’d just refrained from reaching out to her. Feeling the abrupt heat rising from her neck, she stood in a rush, flustered by his proximity and unmitigated focus. Her nose brushed his chest and she inadvertently breathed in the clean, enticing scent of his cologne as she stepped away.

“Thor and his friends are down in the game room if you want to join. I might head down in a bit.” There. It was much easier to have her wits about her when he wasn’t so close.

“As appealing as that sounds, I think I’ll pass.”

“I think your parents are watching a movie downstairs, too.”

“I’ll take an even bigger pass.”

She couldn’t blame him. With the wooden box in hand, she nodded and moved toward the door. “Merry Christmas then.”

“Wait.” She stopped and turned. “How would you feel about a walk?”

“Right now?”

“Unless you’re in the habit of scheduling walks well ahead of time, yes, right now.”

It was dark, and freezing, but that didn’t stop her the other night. “Let me get my coat.”

She was fixed to her spot when he crossed the distance and rested a hand on the doorframe where she stood, overwhelming her with his presence. “I’ll wait for you downstairs.”

She was trapped by his eyes, pupils blown in the dim light, escaping only when her own strayed to his mouth for a split second. Then, as if to pretend it didn’t happen, she was turning on her heels, hair gently whipping his chest before she started quickly down the hall. She didn’t have to notice how the door didn’t close behind her to know he watched her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m especially nervous about this one. Many apologies for the longer-than-normal wait. I hope to have the next one up much sooner! I'm not entirely sure yet, but the next chapter might be the last in this installment. If not, there might be a shorter chapter after that. Aaand this is all subject to change, so blah, and sorry in advance.
> 
> Also, _This Book is a Planetarium_ by Kelli Anderson is an actual book. I don’t have it, but it looks super cool and I just imagine it might be something Jane would find interest in, thus wanting to extend that interest to Loki. Aw, she just wants to share her passion with him, y’all. ;)
> 
> As always, thanks for reading! <3


	7. Chapter 7

The days after Christmas went by the same way things did when one actually enjoyed them. They went by far too quickly for her liking, and as such, Jane was keenly aware of the end of break that approached. Everyday, she found herself more and more overcome with a bittersweet sadness, like their days together were numbered and she was just making the most of what they had left. She didn’t see him seeking her out much next semester when they would go their separate ways, back to dwelling on opposite sides of campus, and she wasn’t sure she had the guts to ask to hang out either. It was possible they’d run into each other every now and then, but for the most part, they operated in different spheres, both on and off campus. Then come graduation, they’d truly move apart as they went on with their lives. She resigned herself to holding this experience in her memory as singular, unexpected, confusing, challenging, and exhilarating all at once.

Loki had invited her to run some errands with him and she’d readily accepted, so the day before New Year’s Eve, they found themselves downtown, walking past the shops with doors that made a _ding!_ every time someone entered and restaurants whose inviting smells wafted out to the sidewalk. The holiday atmosphere was still alive and well as people milled about in their winter attire and the wreaths, ribbons, and fairy lights adorned the lampposts and small trees that bordered the street.

“Maybe that scarf wasn’t such a good idea,” Jane said as she peered inside the shopping bag.

“Why not?”

“I’m not really an impulsive buyer.”

“Live a little, Jane. If this isn’t the time of year to indulge yourself, when is it?”

“Isn’t this time of year all about giving to others and not yourself?” He held in an exasperated sigh and opened his mouth to speak when she quickly cut in, “Sentiment. Ha! Beat you to it,” before breaking out into laughter.

He cast his gaze upward and shook his head, but she could also see the smile threatening to take over.

“If this isn’t the time of year to give to others, when is it?” she echoed teasingly. “Anyway. Tomorrow’s New Year’s Eve. Can you believe it? A new year.”

“One which will see many changes.”

“I can’t believe we’re graduating. We’ll be college graduates.”

“Alas, everyone must grow older.”

With a strange thump somewhere in her chest, her mind flashed back to that dreamy image of him in that strange garb where he’d looked older and more distinguished. As a firm believer in the rational, she normally would have berated herself for taking stock in that dream, or any dream. It was simply her unconscious mind working out everything she’d picked up, and dreams rarely ever made sense anyway. But somewhere inside her, quietly, she was comforted by the thought of that alternate Loki, one she imagined, hoped, had grown to know happiness in whatever form it took for him.

She was jolted back to reality when she was suddenly tugged to his side, his arm thrown over her shoulder to pull her towards him. Just in time, she made eye contact with the woman and her stroller for the brief moment they passed each other, having narrowly missed a small collision. Offering her an apologetic expression, Jane then craned her neck to face Loki, whose entire side warmed hers as they continued down the street.

“I wouldn’t have had to do that if you’d been paying attention.”

“Sorry. I zoned out.” She was entirely too comfortable glued to his side like that to move away.

“Although it would’ve been funny in a grim sort of way to see you mowed down by an infant.”

“That doesn’t even make sense. What makes you think I’d be the one to be run over? That baby was, like, a foot tall.”

“So, no different from you then.” He received a swift jab to the ribs. “Ow!”

“Don’t make me develop a Napoleon complex. Do you really want to be responsible for something like that?”

“I would never dream it. Besides, you’re missing the point entirely. You’d be the one to be run over because the baby had the strength of a large stroller behind it.”

They continued bantering as they strolled down the path back to the car. Confused but thrilled at having Loki maintain his grip on her, Jane wondered if he would be averse to having her do something stupid and intimate like looping her arm around his waist. He was already holding her in place, so she didn’t see why he’d mind if she returned the favor.

Against her better judgment— _friends, we’re just friends_ —she maneuvered her free hand out from between them and carefully wrapped it around him, more clutching onto the wool of his coat than anything else. From the corner of her eye, she didn’t notice any distinguishable reaction from him, but he made no move to stop her either.

It felt slightly strange to be back on patchy footing with him in terms of physical contact. They’d already done more than simply touch, so Jane found wry amusement in that they were back to square one.

“So,” she started, “are you going to be at the party tomorrow night?”

“If I must.”

“Guess I’ll see you there then.”

“I never imagined otherwise.”

They reached the car and Loki let go of her wordlessly. She got in before him and let out an exhale before he was inside. He eyed her curiously as he slid the key into the ignition and she gave him a benign smile in response.

Acting normal was turning out to be harder than she thought.

  


* * *

  


The party was pretty much what she had envisioned. All around, people were mingling freely in their cocktail attire, some more festive than others. In the same black dress and tights she’d worn to the symphony, Jane stood off to the wall that bordered the entrance to the living room and nursed her glass of champagne, glad to have a semblance of a barrier between her and the other guests. She was completely out of her element, though she fought to maintain a cool, yet approachable, demeanor as the live string quartet played across from her.

Odin and Frigga were making their rounds and greeting each guest, while Thor stood with Sif and Fandral across the foyer. Loki, meanwhile, was deep into the living room next to the fireplace, where he stood chatting with a girl who seemed to be around their age, with wavy auburn hair and a gleaming smile. It was clear to Jane even across the distance that the girl was flirting with him, and she bitterly allowed herself to acknowledge the roiling in the pit of her stomach as jealousy. She forced herself to look away and caught eyes with Sif across the distance, who briefly turned to say something to the others before she headed over.

“Hello, Jane,” she said.

“Hi.” Of all the people she knew, except perhaps Odin, Sif was the one she’d least expected to approach her.

“Met anyone interesting yet?”

“A little, but I’d be lying if I said I’m not a little intimidated. I bet half the people in here own at least three houses.”

Sif chuckled. “Not including a summer villa in Italy. Really, though, they’re all just people in the end. If it helps, just remember that they all have to use the toilet, same as you and me.”

Jane couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of the notion. “Are you used to this sort of thing?”

“What, meeting a bunch of self-important blowhards who take themselves way too seriously? Just kidding, most of the people here are actually quite lovely. But to answer your question, yes. I am very accustomed to it.” At Jane’s curious look, she clarified, “You’ve heard how the others offhandedly refer to me as Lady? Well, it’s because I technically am. Nobility and all that.”

“Really?”

“I tend not to advertise it, especially on my travels, where I’ve come to find it doesn’t mean a thing. And yes, my parents aren’t too happy about my ‘dilly-dallies’ as they call it, but I stopped letting that bother me a long time ago.”

Jane nodded, processing the information.

“Jane, may I ask you something? If it’s not too personal?”

She paused, then nodded.

“Is there something going on between you and Loki?”

“What?”

“It’s just, I couldn’t help but notice that you’ve cut your gaze over to where he’s speaking to another girl more than once. Not to mention the other times I’ve seen your interactions.”

Mouth open, Jane fumbled with her words.

“I never expected it, to be honest. Loki finally letting someone in.” Sif looked over her shoulder to where he stood and narrowed her eyes in thought. “I always thought all he needed was a good kick to the arse.” Turning back to Jane, she added, “And by that, I mean someone to knock some sense into him, balance him out.”

“And you think that’s me?”

She lifted one shoulder in a shrug. “You said it, not me.”

Jane wanted to laugh. Sif had witnessed what must have been a total of not even one day of interactions’ worth between her and Loki, but the casual confidence with which she threw out her opinion stunned Jane. She couldn’t imagine why Sif even felt the need to comment on a matter that Jane found hard to believe she’d have the least bit investment in.

“Another thing I might as well disclose now…” Sif started, looking out at the crowd. “I have to say I was unsure how to feel when we first met.”

That came as no surprise to Jane, but for what reason, she still wasn’t sure.

“I didn’t know anything about you, but I knew that you and Thor had a history.”

And all of a sudden, things clicked into place.

“I—” Jane stuttered, unsure how to proceed delicately. “Do you…like him?”

At that, Sif avoided meeting her eye. “It’s of no consequence. It will never happen.”

“Why?”

“He doesn’t see me that way.”

“How do you know?”

“It’s Thor. Trust me, I know.” She busied herself with swirling the champagne in her glass.

“He has a big heart. I’m sure you know that,” Jane said kindly.

Sif smiled sadly. “I can’t force him to feel something he doesn’t. No, we’re better off as we are. It’s simpler. Safe.”

Simpler. Safe. Jane let the words echo through her as she found her gaze once again drawn across the room to where Loki still stood with the other girl.

“That’s Corinne,” said Sif, breaking through her reverie. “She goes to Yale. I’ve only met her a couple times, but it couldn’t be more obvious, her interest in Loki. I figure she thinks tonight is her big chance to ensnare him.”

“But if she's at Yale, they’d hardly see each other, wouldn’t they? If they, you know.”

“That won’t stop her. As long as she gets one foot in the door, she’ll think she’s golden.”

Jane swallowed thickly and watched as Corinne laid a hand on Loki’s arm.

“But if you ask me, I don’t think she’d be able to keep up with him.” Sif then turned to Jane, and the latter could have sworn there was something implied in the other woman’s expression. “Now, I hate to leave you, but it looks like I’m going to have to keep Fandral over there from getting into too much trouble. I’ll talk to you later, Jane.”

Jane bid her a small farewell before she was left standing alone again. She shifted her attention elsewhere before it landed on Loki, who still stood before Corinne but was now looking right at her. She was about to offer a small wave when Corinne laid another hand on his arm and his attention flickered back down to her just as she pulled him down to plant a kiss on his cheek. Jane then saw her motion to the mistletoe that wasn’t even directly above them, but rather merely in their vicinity.

With nasty, burning flips in her stomach, Jane turned away and went off in search of another familiar face. Much of the party was spent with Thor, Sif, and Fandral, and before she knew it, midnight was soon approaching. She excused herself to the powder room, even though she had no need for it, and was past the stairs when she was sidetracked by Loki’s sudden appearance.

“Loki!”

“There you are.”

“You were trying to find me?” He didn’t answer and she looked past him. “Where’s Corinne?”

“You know her name?”

 _Damn it._ “Sif mentioned it,” she said with what she hoped was a casual shrug.

“Corinne’s off somewhere. Where, I wouldn’t know. I have an inkling she’s a little upset with me at the moment.”

“What did you do to her?”

“You automatically assume I did something?”

“Am I wrong?”

“I’m not always a monster, remember?”

She sighed, not in the mood for their usual banter but curious all the same. “Well, what happened then?”

“You know, I must admit I’m flattered you’re so invested in my personal life. She walked off after I let it be known there would be nothing happening between me and her.”

“Still fighting the girls off with a stick, huh?” she said ruefully.

He surprised her when he took her hand in his. “Come on.”

She made no move to escape as he led her through the foyer and past the separate rooms, eventually going through the kitchen and out the French doors to the terrace, where the snow had been shoveled from the stone tiles, leaving them in a clear oasis as the leftover blanket of snow lay uninterrupted ahead.

“Why’d you bring me out here? It’s freezing.”

In response, a black suit jacket way too large for her was placed around her shoulders. Snuggling deeper into it, she followed Loki farther off to the side where a fire pit sat and watched as he lit it up. Soon, the flames were curling in their ascent, emanating heat she was very much grateful for. After warming herself in front of the fire, she remained where she was as Loki stood beside her, gazing into the flames. It was silent for a good while, save for the crackling of the fire.

When Jane could no longer stand the silence and the need to know why he’d brought them out there pressed at her, she chanced a glance beside her and found him already watching her. “What?”

“This is one thing I certainly hadn’t anticipated.”

“What?”

He gave a cynical chuckle. “Seeing Thor’s former…well, what would you call it? But I’m afraid you left me with no choice but to take a seat beside you, Jane.”

“What are you talking about?” She was utterly confused. In no time, he’d gone from silent to speaking in riddles.

He turned to face her fully till she had no choice but to give her attention to him and only him. His proximity intoxicated her. “Be mine, Jane.”

And like that, the breath in her lungs left her. Her blood pounded in her ears.

He took her by the arm and turned her until she faced him as well. “I never intended for us to be _just_ friends.”

She could hardly think, could hardly process his words. When she spoke, it came out more as a breath. “Wha—”

“After our brief initial encounters, I never expected to see you again. I’d accepted it. But the moment I recognized it was you in that seat, I knew. I’ve had plans concerning you since that first day, Jane, and now that I have you here, right now, they can no longer go on ignored.”

“Wha-you mean…what about…everything?”

He easily caught her meaning and looked off to the side. “An obstacle. Uninvited but, in the end, enlightening.”

She shook her head in disbelief. “I thought you said it was too late for us.”

“I said I wasn’t sure. But I was. I was just biding my time.”

She searched his face for any hint of a lie, but with the way he was looking down at her next to the fire, so uncharacteristically vulnerable and earnest, she thought back to their confrontation in the town square and how his eyes had burned into hers when he contended everything he’d shown towards her was genuine. She’d been a fool then to miss out on the truth, but now, with his eyes looking just the same as they did then, she was overcome with an immeasurable appreciation for him, for his willingness to share himself with her in that way. It was never easy, and for him, she knew, it was a singular sort of effort. One that spoke volumes.

They’d gone from enemies to friends, to something more and then less, until some sense of normality had finally prevailed. She'd needed that, she realized. She needed a clear head if she was going to go into this. And she already knew what she was going to choose, was infinitely lighter with the relief of finally being able to act on it. 

“I’ve never hated you, Jane. Not one day. Don’t you see? I burn for you. I always have. You’ve always had the final word when it comes to this play between us. It’s always been up to y—” He was abruptly cut off when Jane pulled him down and kissed him.

The cold was nothing in that moment. He answered her kiss with his own, passionate and heady and all-consuming. When they broke apart, his forehead remained on hers and he caressed her bottom lip with his thumb, jaw clenched. “It fills me with a special kind of rage to know he’s tasted these lips. Everyday, it’s taken everything in me not to…”

A not altogether unpleasant feeling whirled about in her stomach, and she wondered what else he’d been holding back. Heart clenching, she said breathlessly, “Let’s not talk about him right now.” She cupped his cheek and gazed up at him, though his eyes remained closed, imploring him. “I want you, Loki. And you…you have me.”

She gave him a soft kiss. When she pulled back, he chased her lips with his and soon had her dizzy with want. The suit jacket slipped from her shoulders and fell to the ground and she laughed. He took the opportunity to supply her with blazing kisses on her cheek, just under her jaw, and on her neck. The breath of his own laughter tickled her neck as he rubbed his hands up and down her bare arms before hugging her to him.

“I’ll keep you warm. It’s quite easy when you’re that size.”

She playfully knocked his chest. “What is it with you and my height?”

He stole another kiss in between his smiles. “I like how little you are.”

They stood like that for a while longer, and Jane eventually wriggled out of his grasp to pick up his jacket, though his hands never fully left her as she rewrapped it around herself. Then the back door opened with a loud noise and Fandral came spilling out onto the terrace, looking like he’d imbibed his fair share of champagne. 

“Oh, there you are, Jane. Thor sent me off to come find you. Er…” He looked between her and Loki. “Countdown’s starting in a bit. Happy New Year!” And he dashed back inside.

Jane laughed and shook her head, taking Loki’s hand to drag him towards the door. “Come on.”

She was able to pull him a good distance before he tugged her back. The medley of voices excitedly counting down from ten bled through from the other side of the door. Loki made no move to speak, only smirked at her.

“What?”

They were already down to _five!_ on the other side. Jane tilted her head towards the door and listened as the crowd drew closer and closer to one. “Oh, Loki, we’re going to m—”

He took her face in his hands as his lips landed on hers. Distantly, she noted the sounds of _one!_ coming from inside and the subsequent singing and cheering. She was still dazed when he drew back, his voice almost a whisper against her lips.

“Happy New Year, Jane.”

  


* * *

  


“Oh, Jane, it’s been such a pleasure having you. You must come back.”

Jane returned Frigga’s warm hug as Loki waited farther down the steps. “I would love to. Thank you so much for letting me stay.”

“Oh, don’t be silly. It’s been so lovely getting to know you, especially after all this time.” Frigga looked over Jane’s shoulder and caught Loki’s eye, giving him a knowing smile and a slight quirk of her brow that indicated mild exasperation.

Beyond them, Alvin waited with the car and Odin stood just inside the foyer, having said his goodbyes. Thor was already gone, having left a few days after New Year’s to visit his other friends on the opposite side of the world. She suspected she still didn’t know the full depth of what he felt regarding her and Loki and wasn’t sure if she’d ever be privy to his entire thoughts, but her fears were momentarily forgotten when he’d wrapped her in a sturdy hug and gave a resolute nod as he seemed to inspect her person.

Jane leaned in closer to Frigga, lowering her voice. “I also just wanted to apologize for any, well, drama I might’ve caused.”

A considerable amount of surprise showed on Frigga’s face before she took Jane’s hand. “Jane, none of that has anything to do with you. I assure you, whatever unrest lies between Loki and his father started long before you arrived.”

At her assurance, Jane nodded shyly, giving her hosts another wave as Loki appeared from behind and took her hand. Together, they walked down the steps and to the car. When he placed a kiss on the back of her hand with no care for who saw, she gently squeezed his hand, unable to express her thoughts in words.

A soft smile played at her lips as they got into the car. She didn’t have to worry about the next time she would see him. There was no more resignation that the past few weeks together were their last, no more unspoken fears that her time with him, turbulent and thrilling, would be reduced to a memory.

She couldn’t have seen any of this coming, her and Loki. Inadvertently, they’d started the school year together in one way and it was with her deepest hopes that she saw them finishing it together in another. There was still, of course, graduation to contend with, and all the worries that came after that. There was always so much she wouldn’t know.

But, she found, she was very much willing to learn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAHH *ducks inside trash can for cover* I agonized so much over this chapter that I’m surprised I even got it done. I had no idea how to execute my mess of ideas and I’m truthfully not very confident about it, so I really hope this lived somewhat up to everyone's expectations. But hey! After much stupidity, they’re finally together!
> 
> Thank you SO much to everyone who’s been reading and to those who’ve shared your thoughts. Your comments always put such a big smile on my face and it’s always so fun hearing everyone’s insight. And because I’m not quite done with the Loki & Jane of this world, I plan on adding to this series with one-shots/drabbles that take place in the future, so please look out for those if you’re interested!
> 
> Again, thank you so much for reading! I love you all! <3<3


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